How do you increase love in your life? Well, if you believe, as I do, that love is an actiona and a choice, then you can choose to have more love. Now I will reaffirm my belief that you cannot receive love if you don't already have it within you. So the first element is to realize that you can coose to love yourself. Provide yourself with love. How do you do this? Change your thinking. Thoughts are a choice. Emotions are based on our thoughts. Because some thoughts have been repeated so often in our minds, we tend to believe that some thoughts are automatic. This is simply not true. Yes, it may take effort to change your thoughts, however, with conviction, your thoughts can be a choice.
How do you choose loving thoughts about yourself? Start with the fact that scripture says that God is in each one of us. Think about loving yourself because God dwells within you. When you are tempted to criticize yourself, stop, and think first of addressing the God that is within you. It will be much harder to criticize yourself after addressing the God within you, knowing that he created all things perfectly. To criticize or judge yourself will feel like you are attacking the work of God. This belief and the constant acknowledgement of it, will enable you to love yourself and act in more loving ways toward yourself.
With this change in thinking about how to love yourself, comes acting as if you love yourself. Even while your are practicing loving the God in you, and then thinking lovingly of yourself, you can be showing love to yourself (because love is an action,) by things that you do. Give yourself the luxury of 8 hours of sleep; turn your phone off to spend 30 minutes or an hour of uninterrupted time to do exactly what you want; buy yourself flowers or send yourself a nice card in the mail; make time or money for keeping you healthy (whatever makes you feel like you are loving yourself, whether it be for a gym membership, a manicure, healthful foods, fixing poor eyesight, or getting surgery on a bad knee, having a checkup, etc.). Think about a person you love and how you would show them you love them or what you would say to let them know you love them. Then do this for yourself. The more you treat yourself with love, the easier it will be to really see that you are worthy of love.
When you believe that you are worthy of love and give love to yourself through thoughts and actions, then you will be able to give away love and in return, receive love back. The more love you have and give in your life, the closer to peace you will move.
As we all know, some people are easier to show love to than others. So how do we love those who are harder to love? First, use the same principle you used to change you thoughts about loving yourself, which is to address the God that dwells within others first. When you look at a complaining customer, God is dwelling in that pesrson and so you foucs on and acknowledge God first. Then, it will be easier to show love to the person.
Again, following this first step, act as if you love the person by your actions. Even if you are still not "feeling" love towards the person, act as though you do. The very act of "pretending" to love that person will open the door for you to be able to love that person. You can say to yourself or through prayer, that you forgive this person for his actions or works, or you can send them a note or card of a loving, well-wishing nature, or you can say what you appreciate about him or her. When you perform these actions of love you are giving out a certain energy. It is much harder for that person to respond with negative enery because like attracts like (and love is a higher energy and will overcome the lower energies you are wishing to negate). Even if you don't get a loving response back at the moment, you have raised the other person's energy and minimized the affects of their very low energy and emotions.
Do you feel as though you still need more tools to enable you to show, become, or remain loving in a challenging situation? One thing to remember is that 'people do the best they can at the moment, with what they have learned and they would do better if they could'. This is a principle I learned through various readings although I cannot place the author, but the principle has stuck with me. We all grow up in different environments, with different values and importance placed on different things. We can't possibly know why someone yells at us on the highway because we go the speed limit. They may have been taught that 10 mph over the speed limit is okay and more acceptable than driving the speed limit. They may have seen in their family, how yelling and anger got results, whereas, calm communication produced nothing. Yes, when we become adults, we alone are responsible for our belief system and our acceptance or rejection of all the beliefs that encompasses. So, why don't we learn what is "normal" or "right"? Because most things in this world are subjective and who is to be the authority on what is normal? However, we can change our response to our beliefs when they are not functioning for us any longer. Rather than getting upset at other "slow" drivers, our example can choose to recognize and appreciate that others have different values and beliefs.
The plethora of faulty belief systems out there means that most people have numerous erroneaous beliefs to overcome. You and I don't know where they are in their self-development. But just believe that they are doing the best they can at the moment, with what they've learned. Be a tool to help them see a different (loving) response by acting as if you loved that person.
When the urge to respond to anger, hate, irritation, jeolousy, etc. is to give the same, stop yourself, and make a choice not to accept their "lower energy gift" as it has been described in teachings on peace and personal development. You are not required to accept another's 'gift' (in this case, a not very desirable one). Let them keep their lower energy emotions, and choose not to accept it. Choose to maintain your higher energy of calmness, love, respect, etc.
Finally, many people behave in negative ways out of fear: fear of losing what they have, fear of losing or being out of control, fear of losing social status, etc. If you can keep this in mind when dealing with someone in a negative emotional state, it will help you to empathize with them because you will see the fear behind the action, and will more easily be able to act in a loving way towards them.
With practice and conviction, you will expereince an abundance of love, even from people you never expected. And when love increases, peace also increases.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What You Believe Is What You Attract
A similar theme has emerged as I have read more and more about success principles, finding peace, and living a fulfilling life, (books by John Canfield, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tulane Miedener, and others). The common theme is "where you place your focus is what you will attract to your life".
All matter is energy (or vibrations), and like energy attracts like energy. When you hold a certain belief about yourself or your circumstances, you will attract to you what you believe the outcome is inevitably going to be. In order to change or overcome this outcome, you must change your belief. To begin that change, at the moment of the lower energy (or negative thought), shift your focus to other higher energy, positive thoughts, regardless of its relevance to the negative thought. By immediately stopping the negative thought, you break the pattern and insert a new behavior- positive or higher energy thinking. This will begin the process of learning to think in higher energy patterns on a more consistent basis, elevating your overall life experience by attracting more positive people, circumstances, and emotions to you.
You can use this technique to change negative habits. For example, an alcoholic wishing to stop drinking typically focuses on how to change his desire for a drink. Where is his focus? On drinking. Will he be able to change with this thought process? Likely not. An alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking will have more success by shifting his focus away from drinking, and on to thoughts of love, forgiveness and strengths. These are higher energy thoughts and higher energy always overtakes lower energy.
Problems arise when we won't allow ourselves to have or experience negative thoughts without condemnation. When negative thoughts do creep in, as they will through the growth and healing process, we feel failure, and begin to focus on that feeling of failure, which in turn lowers our energy making it more likely we will attract exactly what we have been working to eliminate from our lives.
Shifting focus to positive energies and beliefs takes practice just as mastering any other skill does. It is important to realize that in the beginning of this process, you will have to frequently remind yourself to focus on positive beliefs and energies, and have conviction that your life will contain everything you desire just by focusing on success. Start acting as if positive things are coming to you. One way to do this is to start appreciating what you already have in your life, from freedom, food, safety, health and shelter, to eternal life, skills and abilities, intuition, love and relationships.
When you focus on being grateful for what you have, you realize that what you are most grateful for is usually not "things" but relationships, skills, safety, security, love and peace. This can be eye-opening, because many people in this country of abundance believe their happiness is based on having more, and the ability to acquire more. As we shift our thinking to appreciation, we realize how much we already have; we realize that it is less important to acquire "more" than to develp a greater apprecation for what we already have; we also start seeing how others could benefit from our excess by just providing for their basics (food, shelter, health). We realize how very little it costs to provide this but what an enormous reward it provides to our souls to meet someone else's needs.
It is so important to always remember that you are what you think. If you think that you are stuck in a deadend job- you will always attract dead-end jobs. If you believe that people will always try to take your wealth from you, you will attract problems that involve losing part of your wealth; if you believe that your marriage is doomed to fail, you will attract the negative aspects that lead to turmoil; if you believe there are no 'dateable' singles out there, you will only attract those you find 'undateable'. At the same time, if you focus on appreciating the positive in your life and see how that will enable you to attract what you want, those things will be attracted to you. You must believe your wants are going to be fulfilled and act as if you are already living that life. Dress the part, surround yourself with those you want to emulate, learn what needs to be learned, and remove negative beliefs, thoughts and energies from you mind. The life you want is in your mind!
All matter is energy (or vibrations), and like energy attracts like energy. When you hold a certain belief about yourself or your circumstances, you will attract to you what you believe the outcome is inevitably going to be. In order to change or overcome this outcome, you must change your belief. To begin that change, at the moment of the lower energy (or negative thought), shift your focus to other higher energy, positive thoughts, regardless of its relevance to the negative thought. By immediately stopping the negative thought, you break the pattern and insert a new behavior- positive or higher energy thinking. This will begin the process of learning to think in higher energy patterns on a more consistent basis, elevating your overall life experience by attracting more positive people, circumstances, and emotions to you.
You can use this technique to change negative habits. For example, an alcoholic wishing to stop drinking typically focuses on how to change his desire for a drink. Where is his focus? On drinking. Will he be able to change with this thought process? Likely not. An alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking will have more success by shifting his focus away from drinking, and on to thoughts of love, forgiveness and strengths. These are higher energy thoughts and higher energy always overtakes lower energy.
Problems arise when we won't allow ourselves to have or experience negative thoughts without condemnation. When negative thoughts do creep in, as they will through the growth and healing process, we feel failure, and begin to focus on that feeling of failure, which in turn lowers our energy making it more likely we will attract exactly what we have been working to eliminate from our lives.
Shifting focus to positive energies and beliefs takes practice just as mastering any other skill does. It is important to realize that in the beginning of this process, you will have to frequently remind yourself to focus on positive beliefs and energies, and have conviction that your life will contain everything you desire just by focusing on success. Start acting as if positive things are coming to you. One way to do this is to start appreciating what you already have in your life, from freedom, food, safety, health and shelter, to eternal life, skills and abilities, intuition, love and relationships.
When you focus on being grateful for what you have, you realize that what you are most grateful for is usually not "things" but relationships, skills, safety, security, love and peace. This can be eye-opening, because many people in this country of abundance believe their happiness is based on having more, and the ability to acquire more. As we shift our thinking to appreciation, we realize how much we already have; we realize that it is less important to acquire "more" than to develp a greater apprecation for what we already have; we also start seeing how others could benefit from our excess by just providing for their basics (food, shelter, health). We realize how very little it costs to provide this but what an enormous reward it provides to our souls to meet someone else's needs.
It is so important to always remember that you are what you think. If you think that you are stuck in a deadend job- you will always attract dead-end jobs. If you believe that people will always try to take your wealth from you, you will attract problems that involve losing part of your wealth; if you believe that your marriage is doomed to fail, you will attract the negative aspects that lead to turmoil; if you believe there are no 'dateable' singles out there, you will only attract those you find 'undateable'. At the same time, if you focus on appreciating the positive in your life and see how that will enable you to attract what you want, those things will be attracted to you. You must believe your wants are going to be fulfilled and act as if you are already living that life. Dress the part, surround yourself with those you want to emulate, learn what needs to be learned, and remove negative beliefs, thoughts and energies from you mind. The life you want is in your mind!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Setbacks and Learning Opportunities
Over the past couple weeks, the struggle to remember all I'd been learning and accomplishing has challenged me. I didn't take the time to remember and choose to handle the stressful situations that arose, with purposeful thought and prayer. But I am getting back on track. I have worked hard on surrending to God, acknowledging that I felt deserted and vulnerable through the trials, and to realize that I need to prepare for major stressors. I will do this by immediately turning to God and reaffirming my faith that He will take care of me; then, I will reach out to loved ones who can share perspectives that I may not see in the moment. The setback ended up being longer than I could've imagined and it was shocking to feel such progress slip backwards; but I had had such a wonderful taste of energy, hope, joy and freedom, that I am spending all my energy on God's word, praying, choosing to do positive, re-affirming activities, and continuing to read through and really understand my coaching books. What a difference in my entire spirit and being whe I choose to engage in growth and learning and loving.
These past seveal days, I have reallized how improtant it is to show love to everyone I encounter and to love those I am around, instead of wishing I could be near family or long time friends who are far away. By looking to love those around me, I also increase my ability to love more deeply and I give those around me the opportunity to feel love, which makes them feel good too. Even when my first inclination has been to be annoyed about something, I stop (in theory-every time:) and remind myself that loving the person first will help me deal with them in a respectful way, and gives God the power to judge instead of me. I can pray on the issue that troubles me and then let God guide the direction towards a resolution.
This has worked positively with someone in my neighborhood who I have been judgmental of in the past for things I considered stealing and lying. By focusing on loving him for him, flaws and all, I can more clearly see the good intentions he does have and let God work within him to convert some of the dishonesty I see from him. We have a much better relationship and I can see this continuing in the future.
Their is another neighbor whom I had shied away from in the recent past because I didn't agree with how I felt he was handling a situation that involves all his neighbors and I also didn't feel like we had much in common. But just accepting and loving people for who they are is more important than my judgment is. The whole "log in the eye" bible quotation comes to mind as I work on removing judgements. When I chose to accept and love him for who he is, I started to see him as someone who is struggling with having a satifying life. He has had some challenges this past year and he is coping in his way, just as I have coped in a destructive way with my struggles. Wow, my high-horse just threw me off!
I have also made a conscious decision to slow down my days as much as I can to include time for impromptu chats with neighbors, lunches or dinners with friends, and phone calls. This past week, many opportunities arose because I had the time for them and they all turned out to be such positive experiences. It's amazing when you take the time to show people that they are important to you, what a difference it makes in the relationship you have with them! In the past, I struggled with knowing that I needed to show people this because I could not see why it would matter to them that I valued them (and this is because I didn't value myself enough to see that).
So, when I take the time to remember to turn to God first, and also to respond with love towards people as my first emotion, outcomes will always be better than if I choose a different approach!
These past seveal days, I have reallized how improtant it is to show love to everyone I encounter and to love those I am around, instead of wishing I could be near family or long time friends who are far away. By looking to love those around me, I also increase my ability to love more deeply and I give those around me the opportunity to feel love, which makes them feel good too. Even when my first inclination has been to be annoyed about something, I stop (in theory-every time:) and remind myself that loving the person first will help me deal with them in a respectful way, and gives God the power to judge instead of me. I can pray on the issue that troubles me and then let God guide the direction towards a resolution.
This has worked positively with someone in my neighborhood who I have been judgmental of in the past for things I considered stealing and lying. By focusing on loving him for him, flaws and all, I can more clearly see the good intentions he does have and let God work within him to convert some of the dishonesty I see from him. We have a much better relationship and I can see this continuing in the future.
Their is another neighbor whom I had shied away from in the recent past because I didn't agree with how I felt he was handling a situation that involves all his neighbors and I also didn't feel like we had much in common. But just accepting and loving people for who they are is more important than my judgment is. The whole "log in the eye" bible quotation comes to mind as I work on removing judgements. When I chose to accept and love him for who he is, I started to see him as someone who is struggling with having a satifying life. He has had some challenges this past year and he is coping in his way, just as I have coped in a destructive way with my struggles. Wow, my high-horse just threw me off!
I have also made a conscious decision to slow down my days as much as I can to include time for impromptu chats with neighbors, lunches or dinners with friends, and phone calls. This past week, many opportunities arose because I had the time for them and they all turned out to be such positive experiences. It's amazing when you take the time to show people that they are important to you, what a difference it makes in the relationship you have with them! In the past, I struggled with knowing that I needed to show people this because I could not see why it would matter to them that I valued them (and this is because I didn't value myself enough to see that).
So, when I take the time to remember to turn to God first, and also to respond with love towards people as my first emotion, outcomes will always be better than if I choose a different approach!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Stumbling Through Merky Waters
The past couple of weeks have been a challenge toward the positive strides I have been making in my life. I had been so motivated and excited about what I'd been accomplishing, that when a really stressful day occurred, I wasn't prepared for it and it's made me question what I've really learned, and what I need to re-evaluate and improve upon in order to handle setbacks and serious stress better.
So far, all the tasks I've been doing have been to create more positive energy and time for good things in my life. This included finally getting new floors. Because I'd been so positive about everything so far, I was unprepared for the alarming mistakes and damage the installation guys caused. I was handling them fairly well and just addressing each thing as diplomatically as possible. However, the installers had to redo two areas on a Friday when I had to leave town. My neighbor took care of letting them in and locking up after them (in addition to resolving a major problem he found while he was there-Thank God for good neighbors!) So, they finished the floors on Friday night and my neighbor locked up after them. I could not wait to see them (however, I had become apprehensive about the quality because of some things I already experienced with them.)
I was due to get home from my trip Monday evening. Monday at work, a medical crisis arose to where I was assisting a doctor on board with a potential heart attack victim. We cared for him for about an hour, using the Automatic External Defibrillator and monitoring his vitals continuously. When they did not improve, we diverted to get him immediately to a hospital. We felt relieved that he was in a better environment to treat him. Meanwhile, we were stranded there because we'd used so many of our on board oxygen bottles that we could not depart without getting new ones. This whole thing took 4-5 hours and the customers were very unhappy. When we finally left for Houston again, the adrenaline rush had dissipated from the emergency and I was low on energy, both physically and mentally. So I was grateful to get to Houston.
However, when I was driving home, I hit a traffic jam. This was unusual because of the late hour in the day and no traffic updates reported anything unusual on this freeway. This would have been fine, but today my car was acting strange and it scared me! When I braked, the back end of the car swayed to the right, then to the left and I felt like I didn't have any control of it. Also, when I tried to go above 45 mph, it just chugged slowly up, 1 mph at a time. I was becoming alarmed as I realized it was indeed going to keep doing this the whole drive home. I got in the right hand lane and putted along slowly the 57 miles to home, planning a strategy for getting it repaired on my one day off the next day, and trying not to stress about the cost.
I was grateful to get home safely, and still looking forward to seeing the finished floors. I opened the door quickly and stepped inside. I was perplexed when the first thing I saw was a big puddle under a chair which was sitting in the middle of the living room. Where could liquid come from? Walking toward it, I was tuning out the continuous meowing of the cats which had been homed on the balcony during this renovation and pondered the source of the puddle. Could the installers have spilled something and not seen it? Could they have purposefully poured water on the floor, angry that they had to come back to redo some things? Kneeling and lowering my nose to the floor, the worst smell known to this nose smacked me and sent a surge of momentary confusion through me. It was cat urine! How can this be? My cats are locked outside. I ran to the cat door. Yep, it was still blocked by a heavy chest, and still locked. I see one cat outside. Where's the other? Now I hear two meowing- wait, one is coming from inside! I sprinted through the condo and found Zeke terrified and crouched under the bed. Why is he scared? Because he'd been let it and locked in without food, water or a litter box since Friday- it was now Monday night! I was unprepared for the anger I felt toward the installers and when I could not get rid of the urine smell with my own cleaning, I had a meltdown. I could not muster any positive emotion. The cats remained stressed and continued to meow incessantly. I had hours worth of work to do to put furniture back and clean all the dust that was everywhere and in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the early car appointment I had in the morning. Not only did I not know if my floors would have to be replaced where the unine had sat for 3 days, but I knew my chair was ruined, and I'd also found two dents in my refrigerator door. It was too much for me and my attitude took a dive. It's as though everything I'd learned in the past couple months just floated out of my head, never to return. Over the course of the next week, I didn't even have the desire to continue to learn and coach myself. It's been a struggle to get back on track. I try to think about why this might be so hard. A couple things come to mind:
It was easy to be positive when things were going my way. But what I really needed to learn was how to remain positive when the cards are stacked against me. One or two things that are a challenge, I could have handled in a positive way, but the overwhelming stress of each of the three events that day, taxed my ability to cope.
What I am disappointed about most, is that I just didn't turn it all over to God right away. I let my faith in Him slip as my primary coping skill and I proved to myself that I cannot handle life (good or bad) without Him. I know He was communicating with me that day, asking me to rely on Him and to be humble and realize He is who carries me through life. I'd been proud of what I'd accomplished and didn't recognize every instance of success was His.
I woke up Tuesday with more acknowledgement of God and more calm that He would help me cope with my situations. How did He help me? By removing the major problem my car had had the day before. Literally, there was no evidence of ANY trouble! The mechanic and I both took it out on the highway and we could not re-create the problem. They even removed all 4 wheels to see if there was something we missed. They found nothing! God is amazing!
He also helped me clearly and concisely speak to the Floor Store manager and we are on our way to getting a resolution to the several problems that arose.
I am happy with some things since then; however, I feel as though I have taken a huge step backward and am struggling to feel the confidence I had been feeling before. That day was such a blow to my outlook and what I thought I'd been accomplishing, that I now feel a degree of apprehension about my successes. I have started reading and learning from my coaching books again- so let's see where I go from here!
So far, all the tasks I've been doing have been to create more positive energy and time for good things in my life. This included finally getting new floors. Because I'd been so positive about everything so far, I was unprepared for the alarming mistakes and damage the installation guys caused. I was handling them fairly well and just addressing each thing as diplomatically as possible. However, the installers had to redo two areas on a Friday when I had to leave town. My neighbor took care of letting them in and locking up after them (in addition to resolving a major problem he found while he was there-Thank God for good neighbors!) So, they finished the floors on Friday night and my neighbor locked up after them. I could not wait to see them (however, I had become apprehensive about the quality because of some things I already experienced with them.)
I was due to get home from my trip Monday evening. Monday at work, a medical crisis arose to where I was assisting a doctor on board with a potential heart attack victim. We cared for him for about an hour, using the Automatic External Defibrillator and monitoring his vitals continuously. When they did not improve, we diverted to get him immediately to a hospital. We felt relieved that he was in a better environment to treat him. Meanwhile, we were stranded there because we'd used so many of our on board oxygen bottles that we could not depart without getting new ones. This whole thing took 4-5 hours and the customers were very unhappy. When we finally left for Houston again, the adrenaline rush had dissipated from the emergency and I was low on energy, both physically and mentally. So I was grateful to get to Houston.
However, when I was driving home, I hit a traffic jam. This was unusual because of the late hour in the day and no traffic updates reported anything unusual on this freeway. This would have been fine, but today my car was acting strange and it scared me! When I braked, the back end of the car swayed to the right, then to the left and I felt like I didn't have any control of it. Also, when I tried to go above 45 mph, it just chugged slowly up, 1 mph at a time. I was becoming alarmed as I realized it was indeed going to keep doing this the whole drive home. I got in the right hand lane and putted along slowly the 57 miles to home, planning a strategy for getting it repaired on my one day off the next day, and trying not to stress about the cost.
I was grateful to get home safely, and still looking forward to seeing the finished floors. I opened the door quickly and stepped inside. I was perplexed when the first thing I saw was a big puddle under a chair which was sitting in the middle of the living room. Where could liquid come from? Walking toward it, I was tuning out the continuous meowing of the cats which had been homed on the balcony during this renovation and pondered the source of the puddle. Could the installers have spilled something and not seen it? Could they have purposefully poured water on the floor, angry that they had to come back to redo some things? Kneeling and lowering my nose to the floor, the worst smell known to this nose smacked me and sent a surge of momentary confusion through me. It was cat urine! How can this be? My cats are locked outside. I ran to the cat door. Yep, it was still blocked by a heavy chest, and still locked. I see one cat outside. Where's the other? Now I hear two meowing- wait, one is coming from inside! I sprinted through the condo and found Zeke terrified and crouched under the bed. Why is he scared? Because he'd been let it and locked in without food, water or a litter box since Friday- it was now Monday night! I was unprepared for the anger I felt toward the installers and when I could not get rid of the urine smell with my own cleaning, I had a meltdown. I could not muster any positive emotion. The cats remained stressed and continued to meow incessantly. I had hours worth of work to do to put furniture back and clean all the dust that was everywhere and in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the early car appointment I had in the morning. Not only did I not know if my floors would have to be replaced where the unine had sat for 3 days, but I knew my chair was ruined, and I'd also found two dents in my refrigerator door. It was too much for me and my attitude took a dive. It's as though everything I'd learned in the past couple months just floated out of my head, never to return. Over the course of the next week, I didn't even have the desire to continue to learn and coach myself. It's been a struggle to get back on track. I try to think about why this might be so hard. A couple things come to mind:
It was easy to be positive when things were going my way. But what I really needed to learn was how to remain positive when the cards are stacked against me. One or two things that are a challenge, I could have handled in a positive way, but the overwhelming stress of each of the three events that day, taxed my ability to cope.
What I am disappointed about most, is that I just didn't turn it all over to God right away. I let my faith in Him slip as my primary coping skill and I proved to myself that I cannot handle life (good or bad) without Him. I know He was communicating with me that day, asking me to rely on Him and to be humble and realize He is who carries me through life. I'd been proud of what I'd accomplished and didn't recognize every instance of success was His.
I woke up Tuesday with more acknowledgement of God and more calm that He would help me cope with my situations. How did He help me? By removing the major problem my car had had the day before. Literally, there was no evidence of ANY trouble! The mechanic and I both took it out on the highway and we could not re-create the problem. They even removed all 4 wheels to see if there was something we missed. They found nothing! God is amazing!
He also helped me clearly and concisely speak to the Floor Store manager and we are on our way to getting a resolution to the several problems that arose.
I am happy with some things since then; however, I feel as though I have taken a huge step backward and am struggling to feel the confidence I had been feeling before. That day was such a blow to my outlook and what I thought I'd been accomplishing, that I now feel a degree of apprehension about my successes. I have started reading and learning from my coaching books again- so let's see where I go from here!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Courage and Confidence
I am writing today on courage and confidence, two of several positive emotions that you can create within yourself to change or better the course of your life.
In the book Your Destiny Switch, author Peggy McColl says that when you commit to a path towards a goal, courage gives you the means to make it happen. Often faith in yourself and/or a higher power will go hand in hand with how courageous you can be.
I have witnessed this courageousness and the doors that have been opened because of that courage, and the justice that is going to be the end result. My sister has her master's degree in counseling and was placed in an intership at a girls home for teens where she was to be supervised in counseling young ladies, as well as observe her internship supervisor counsel the clients. A short time into the internship, she witnessed her supervisor being unethical, was asked herself to be unethical, and then witnessed behavior that was clearly abusive to the clients. She immediately contacted her professor, without hestitation because her goal was to stop the abuse of the young ladies. Now, by doing this, she had to contend with possible negative consequences for her actions. Namely, to anger her supervisor and thus get a fail for the internship; have an air of tension on site for the remaining 5 months of the internship; have the college she's attending frown upon her for causing trouble for them. These are all very real risks, but because of her courage to do the right thing and see justice for these young ladies, it was a definite and clear decision for her.
The road was not easy once the report was made, however, it has proved the right course of action. First of all because her professor became an ally and helped her with guidance on how to proceed with the report, and this action led to her being able to find a new internship site, while her supervisor at the current site is now under investigation and the clients shall no doubt benefit from this. Not only this, but doors have opened for her that were unexpected: an internship site that she was particularly interested in before contacted her with an opening for an intern the week before found out that she could leave her current internship. So once that news was delivered to her, she was able to re-interview with this place and both she and the new site are very excited about the potential working relationship they may have. It just is proof to me that by using positive emotions, it draws postive things to you in an otherwise precarious situation.
I just want to spend a moment on the positive emotion of confidence. The author of this book states in a study on success, that the top 10 percent of those who achieved their maximum goal at work all had one thing in common: Confidence. They were described as "exuding confidence, so they get results." She states that "confidence will lift you up no matter what the challenge, helping you access all your personal resources. By feeling faith in yourself, you'll be aware of your many gifts and be able to use them to make your situation better."
In going back to my sister's situation at the current internship site, she had a final evaluation with her supervisor and the clinical director. Because she had assessed her current supervisor's inability to act professionally, and to give accurate feedback without letting her emotions guide her, my sister had that confidence of knowledge with her at that meeting. As she knew would happen, the evaluation was very inaccurate and frought with false information. But because she had the knowledge and confidence in her ability to assess her supervisor's dysfunction, she did not let the meeting lead to one where she felt compelled to continuously defend herself. The confidence she exuded did have an impact on her supervisor who seemed genuinely suprised that she didn't want to discuss what she was being told. My sister had the confidence that she would be heard by her professor, her school and in her written documentation to those who could make rational evaluations. I think this meeting ended up being very successful because my sister left a meeting that was intended to make her feel bad, feeling fine with what had gone on and was able to let go of it and enjoy the rest of her day. Again, another great example of what positive emotions can do for your pysche and how good things seem to be attracted to the positive emotions. I can't wait to hear what is next for her!
In the book Your Destiny Switch, author Peggy McColl says that when you commit to a path towards a goal, courage gives you the means to make it happen. Often faith in yourself and/or a higher power will go hand in hand with how courageous you can be.
I have witnessed this courageousness and the doors that have been opened because of that courage, and the justice that is going to be the end result. My sister has her master's degree in counseling and was placed in an intership at a girls home for teens where she was to be supervised in counseling young ladies, as well as observe her internship supervisor counsel the clients. A short time into the internship, she witnessed her supervisor being unethical, was asked herself to be unethical, and then witnessed behavior that was clearly abusive to the clients. She immediately contacted her professor, without hestitation because her goal was to stop the abuse of the young ladies. Now, by doing this, she had to contend with possible negative consequences for her actions. Namely, to anger her supervisor and thus get a fail for the internship; have an air of tension on site for the remaining 5 months of the internship; have the college she's attending frown upon her for causing trouble for them. These are all very real risks, but because of her courage to do the right thing and see justice for these young ladies, it was a definite and clear decision for her.
The road was not easy once the report was made, however, it has proved the right course of action. First of all because her professor became an ally and helped her with guidance on how to proceed with the report, and this action led to her being able to find a new internship site, while her supervisor at the current site is now under investigation and the clients shall no doubt benefit from this. Not only this, but doors have opened for her that were unexpected: an internship site that she was particularly interested in before contacted her with an opening for an intern the week before found out that she could leave her current internship. So once that news was delivered to her, she was able to re-interview with this place and both she and the new site are very excited about the potential working relationship they may have. It just is proof to me that by using positive emotions, it draws postive things to you in an otherwise precarious situation.
I just want to spend a moment on the positive emotion of confidence. The author of this book states in a study on success, that the top 10 percent of those who achieved their maximum goal at work all had one thing in common: Confidence. They were described as "exuding confidence, so they get results." She states that "confidence will lift you up no matter what the challenge, helping you access all your personal resources. By feeling faith in yourself, you'll be aware of your many gifts and be able to use them to make your situation better."
In going back to my sister's situation at the current internship site, she had a final evaluation with her supervisor and the clinical director. Because she had assessed her current supervisor's inability to act professionally, and to give accurate feedback without letting her emotions guide her, my sister had that confidence of knowledge with her at that meeting. As she knew would happen, the evaluation was very inaccurate and frought with false information. But because she had the knowledge and confidence in her ability to assess her supervisor's dysfunction, she did not let the meeting lead to one where she felt compelled to continuously defend herself. The confidence she exuded did have an impact on her supervisor who seemed genuinely suprised that she didn't want to discuss what she was being told. My sister had the confidence that she would be heard by her professor, her school and in her written documentation to those who could make rational evaluations. I think this meeting ended up being very successful because my sister left a meeting that was intended to make her feel bad, feeling fine with what had gone on and was able to let go of it and enjoy the rest of her day. Again, another great example of what positive emotions can do for your pysche and how good things seem to be attracted to the positive emotions. I can't wait to hear what is next for her!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
You Control Your Destiny Switch
Although I am working through all the exercises and tools from the book Coach Yourself to Success, I am currently reading a book called Your Destiny Switch by Peggy McColl and have been thinking a great deal about what she is saying. So I'm adding some of what I'm learning and thinking about as it does coincide with some principles from Coach Yourself to Success as well.
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
The Communication Model in Reverse
In an earlier post, I covered a model of communication that will help you deal with anybody, particularly addressing challenging individuals. To review the steps, they are 1)Inform the person your perception (i.e. Are you aware that you are yelling?) 2) Request they change their behavior, 3) Demand that they change their behavior, and 4) Leave if it continues. All this is done with a completely neutral tone of voice (and no bad facial expressions, either!).
Well, due to a communication breakdown between me and the sales lady at the flooring store, I didn't bring the right form of payment with me. I understood my role in the breakdown, and told her I would go home and get my checkbook and come back shortly thereafter. I made a 20 minute stop at my friend's house and didn't hear the phone, so there was a message waiting for me from the sales lady. She had called to tell me that I needed cash-cash, not a check. So, I became a bit perturbed because my house is in the opposite direction of my bank so that I'd have to add an additional 40 minutes to my errands just to go to the bank and get the cash and return to the store. So when I called her to let her know that it would take me a lot longer to get back to the store, the annoyance was apparent in my voice. She was kind and just apologized for the misunderstanding.
As I was driving to the bank, I realized how I was taking out my frustration on her. We were both not clear on exactly what form of payment I needed to bring, and it was not her fault that I did not answer my phone when she was kind enough to try to spare me the trip to get my checkbook.
Because I've been practicing dealing with rude or challenging communication using the 4 step model, I am more aware of communication that is troubling. And when I looked at this interaction, there was no blame on the sales lady's part, and I could clearly see that I was wrong to address her as I did. When I got to the store, I immediately told her that I owed her a big apology for addressing her so rudely on the phone when she was trying to be so helpful and kind. She accepted the apology easily and with this cleared up, we were able to finish the transaction and even to enjoy some non-related conversation.
Although the author of "Coach Yourself to Success" doesn't really address this reversal, it is amazing to me how quickly I can recognize when I am being out of line, and how much better it is to address it with whom I am communicating-- A bonus of learning this communication model! (But hopefully you won't have too many instances where you'll have to apply it to yourself!)
Well, due to a communication breakdown between me and the sales lady at the flooring store, I didn't bring the right form of payment with me. I understood my role in the breakdown, and told her I would go home and get my checkbook and come back shortly thereafter. I made a 20 minute stop at my friend's house and didn't hear the phone, so there was a message waiting for me from the sales lady. She had called to tell me that I needed cash-cash, not a check. So, I became a bit perturbed because my house is in the opposite direction of my bank so that I'd have to add an additional 40 minutes to my errands just to go to the bank and get the cash and return to the store. So when I called her to let her know that it would take me a lot longer to get back to the store, the annoyance was apparent in my voice. She was kind and just apologized for the misunderstanding.
As I was driving to the bank, I realized how I was taking out my frustration on her. We were both not clear on exactly what form of payment I needed to bring, and it was not her fault that I did not answer my phone when she was kind enough to try to spare me the trip to get my checkbook.
Because I've been practicing dealing with rude or challenging communication using the 4 step model, I am more aware of communication that is troubling. And when I looked at this interaction, there was no blame on the sales lady's part, and I could clearly see that I was wrong to address her as I did. When I got to the store, I immediately told her that I owed her a big apology for addressing her so rudely on the phone when she was trying to be so helpful and kind. She accepted the apology easily and with this cleared up, we were able to finish the transaction and even to enjoy some non-related conversation.
Although the author of "Coach Yourself to Success" doesn't really address this reversal, it is amazing to me how quickly I can recognize when I am being out of line, and how much better it is to address it with whom I am communicating-- A bonus of learning this communication model! (But hopefully you won't have too many instances where you'll have to apply it to yourself!)
Monday, April 26, 2010
More Off the List of Energy Drains!
If you would have told me last year that I would spend a large part of my highly prized vacation time, working on getting my list of 60ish "energy drains" eliminated, I would have just laughed! However, I have seen the effects of just what eliminating a few from the list has done for my outlook, my energy, my desire for more from life, and my excitement about the possibilities for my life. So, I decided to see how many I could get off my list (while still having some fun here and there!)
Most of the items I have addressed while on vacation, have been home repair and improvement items- things I have a hard time taking care of when I am traveling. My thinking is, is that by getting them taken care of now will allow me to think more clearly and creatively and with more focus when I am home. I hope to gain more perspective on how I'd like to spend my time when it's not distracted by these nuisances.
So I've turned into a "handy lady" and have installed new hardware on the kitchen and bath cabinets; stained some needed touch-ups; repainted the bathroom; installed a new light fixture in the bathroom; took down the builder-grade mirror (ugh, safety glasses are really important- flying shards get pretty good velocity as evidenced by the one I got stuck in my cheek!); hung two new framed mirrors and painted a towel bar; removed the rust stain from the tub; bought a new toilet (will install tomorrow--- with help!); reorganized the under sink storage and made another trip to the good will; and most exciting of all is that I get my new floors installed on Wednesday!
I'll have to go back and review the list, but I've knocked off some biggies this vacation and am okay with spending my time this way as it will gain me more quality home time in the near future!
Tomorrow I am painting all the baseboards, trim and doors so that I won't have to do any painting when the new floors are in. I should just hire this done since it's one of those jobs that is on the "not enjoyable" list and someone else could feasibly do it. Oh well, it may be therapeutic (OK, who am I kidding- I'd rather be out doing almost anything but painting trim-- say, lounging by the pool. I guess I can do that while they are installing the floors. Hmmm, go to store, get margarita ingredients, get good fiction book, get great toenail polish and blow up my floaty... Yes, I have a great vacation day planned for Wednesday!)
I have become a firm believer in getting rid of energy sappers on the road to "Getting the Goal". I see how much I've been able to accomplish already, done repairs and improvement that I wouldn't have tried before, and am gaining better insight about myself through the process!
Most of the items I have addressed while on vacation, have been home repair and improvement items- things I have a hard time taking care of when I am traveling. My thinking is, is that by getting them taken care of now will allow me to think more clearly and creatively and with more focus when I am home. I hope to gain more perspective on how I'd like to spend my time when it's not distracted by these nuisances.
So I've turned into a "handy lady" and have installed new hardware on the kitchen and bath cabinets; stained some needed touch-ups; repainted the bathroom; installed a new light fixture in the bathroom; took down the builder-grade mirror (ugh, safety glasses are really important- flying shards get pretty good velocity as evidenced by the one I got stuck in my cheek!); hung two new framed mirrors and painted a towel bar; removed the rust stain from the tub; bought a new toilet (will install tomorrow--- with help!); reorganized the under sink storage and made another trip to the good will; and most exciting of all is that I get my new floors installed on Wednesday!
I'll have to go back and review the list, but I've knocked off some biggies this vacation and am okay with spending my time this way as it will gain me more quality home time in the near future!
Tomorrow I am painting all the baseboards, trim and doors so that I won't have to do any painting when the new floors are in. I should just hire this done since it's one of those jobs that is on the "not enjoyable" list and someone else could feasibly do it. Oh well, it may be therapeutic (OK, who am I kidding- I'd rather be out doing almost anything but painting trim-- say, lounging by the pool. I guess I can do that while they are installing the floors. Hmmm, go to store, get margarita ingredients, get good fiction book, get great toenail polish and blow up my floaty... Yes, I have a great vacation day planned for Wednesday!)
I have become a firm believer in getting rid of energy sappers on the road to "Getting the Goal". I see how much I've been able to accomplish already, done repairs and improvement that I wouldn't have tried before, and am gaining better insight about myself through the process!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Enough With The "Shoulds"!
What could be more self-defeating than our ever-present list of things we "should" do, have, get or be? Why do we create these "shoulds". You know what I'm talking about: I should lose 10 pounds; I should save more money; I should call my mom more often; I should clean the house more often; and on and on they go. We create these lists of shoulds often because society sets a standard that we feel compelled to meet regardless of how unrealistic, unattainable, or unenjoyable they may be! We are so busy being busy, that we don't think too deeply about why these "shoulds" exist. Many times it's because the media and marketing are simply trying to sell you something: a new drug, a diet pill, a cosmetic, a cleaning product, etc. Sometimes "shoulds" are carried over from our families of origin without much thought as to why we carried them into our own lives. Were they functional beliefs? If so, why do they feel like weights? It's time to examine what "shoulds" we have in our lives, and get rid of as many as we can!
My first "should" I addressed is something that I get great enjoyment out of and would never consider eliminating it from my life, and that is exercise. However, when it loses it's enjoyment is when I start being rigid with a training program, and feel compelled to train even though all the signs are telling me to take a day (or more) off. All you exercise finatics know the signs: injury, sickness, being exhausted, or even when sleep is compromised significantly just to get that workout in! That is when we are letting the "should" takeover and we are not listening to what the universe is telling us. I have really begun to listen to the messages my body as well as external factors are telling me when it comes to training. And the wonderful thing is, is that my love of it is stronger than ever, and I have been injury-free for over a year and a half! Amazing!
The next "should" I addressed is a simple one, but found that it, too, was draining energy because I was doing it because I felt I "should", not because I really enjoyed it and that is checking in with Facebook regularly. Initially this seems like a mundane item to include. However, this particular social site can consume large amounts of time. I was finding that I started to feel "out of the loop" when I didn't check it regularly. I was aware of how it seemed to connect some people more, but create disconnect among others. What I mean by this is that people seemed to be calling less frequently and held expectations that if you are both on Facebook, that you will know what is going on with them. My conclusion for myself is that I recognize that I prefer one on one dialogue versus stating an opinion or fact on Facebook without really addressing it to anyone in particular. I agree, that it can start a form of dialogue, but you don't know when that might happen, and it is not an immediate dialogue. I do enjoy some aspects of Facebook, and realize its value. However, those who know me, will understand that I prefer a call, text or even a direct email, or best of all is a face to face chat! So I have thrown out the "should" check in with Facebook often and feel freer already!
The final "should" I will address is that I feel that I "should" love my current job, and be thankful for it in this down economy. The truth is that I AM grateful for the income, and the job itself has served me well over the last 13 years, but I do not love it anymore. It is a very low stress job and I don't ever have to bring work home with me. However, by recognizing that I felt compelled to love/like this job I have been able to ask myself why I have to try to convince myself to love it! Ah ha! The season for this particular full time venture is over and I have just been struggling to come to terms with this. Why? Because that means change, and I don't know exacttly what direction to go. And part of the reason for not knowing more about myself and my strengths and likes is that I've been in "busy" mode for so long. I have probably been trying to avoid recognizing that there were things in my life with which I have not been happy, my job being one of those things. Now that I am examining what is on my "should" list, I can see that I need to make a change in regards to my job. And thus, the exercises and exploration towards "Getting the Goal" which is actually the result that will come after "defining the goal"!
Good luck getting rid of your "shoulds" and freeing yourself up for the things that really matter to you and that you enjoy!
My first "should" I addressed is something that I get great enjoyment out of and would never consider eliminating it from my life, and that is exercise. However, when it loses it's enjoyment is when I start being rigid with a training program, and feel compelled to train even though all the signs are telling me to take a day (or more) off. All you exercise finatics know the signs: injury, sickness, being exhausted, or even when sleep is compromised significantly just to get that workout in! That is when we are letting the "should" takeover and we are not listening to what the universe is telling us. I have really begun to listen to the messages my body as well as external factors are telling me when it comes to training. And the wonderful thing is, is that my love of it is stronger than ever, and I have been injury-free for over a year and a half! Amazing!
The next "should" I addressed is a simple one, but found that it, too, was draining energy because I was doing it because I felt I "should", not because I really enjoyed it and that is checking in with Facebook regularly. Initially this seems like a mundane item to include. However, this particular social site can consume large amounts of time. I was finding that I started to feel "out of the loop" when I didn't check it regularly. I was aware of how it seemed to connect some people more, but create disconnect among others. What I mean by this is that people seemed to be calling less frequently and held expectations that if you are both on Facebook, that you will know what is going on with them. My conclusion for myself is that I recognize that I prefer one on one dialogue versus stating an opinion or fact on Facebook without really addressing it to anyone in particular. I agree, that it can start a form of dialogue, but you don't know when that might happen, and it is not an immediate dialogue. I do enjoy some aspects of Facebook, and realize its value. However, those who know me, will understand that I prefer a call, text or even a direct email, or best of all is a face to face chat! So I have thrown out the "should" check in with Facebook often and feel freer already!
The final "should" I will address is that I feel that I "should" love my current job, and be thankful for it in this down economy. The truth is that I AM grateful for the income, and the job itself has served me well over the last 13 years, but I do not love it anymore. It is a very low stress job and I don't ever have to bring work home with me. However, by recognizing that I felt compelled to love/like this job I have been able to ask myself why I have to try to convince myself to love it! Ah ha! The season for this particular full time venture is over and I have just been struggling to come to terms with this. Why? Because that means change, and I don't know exacttly what direction to go. And part of the reason for not knowing more about myself and my strengths and likes is that I've been in "busy" mode for so long. I have probably been trying to avoid recognizing that there were things in my life with which I have not been happy, my job being one of those things. Now that I am examining what is on my "should" list, I can see that I need to make a change in regards to my job. And thus, the exercises and exploration towards "Getting the Goal" which is actually the result that will come after "defining the goal"!
Good luck getting rid of your "shoulds" and freeing yourself up for the things that really matter to you and that you enjoy!
Adding Little Pleasures To Create Energy
In an earlier exercise I identified many things in my life I was just tolerating, and began the process of eliminating them from my life in an effort to gain energy. The same goes for bad habits such as smoking, caffeine addiction, etc. Those behaviors drain your energy, so ideally you want to replace them with energy boosting, positive behaviors. We all know what our addictions and bad habits are, but in order to give them less importance in our lives, we need to find give them less of our time and focus. So this exercise involved writing down 10 pleasures that I could add to my life daily that I'd look forward to doing. Yikes, ten?!
I came up with a list and was sure that several of them were just added to get the list to ten. One of those being to "dance" to a song. Have you ever danced to a complete song, all by yourself? Songs can be reeeeally long! And even though I am physically fit, it is exhausting. I have since re-evaluated how much positive that brings to my day, and may just tap my feet or a swing a hip to the chorus!
I also included on the list, "sing along to a song or songs". This wasn't much of an addition to my life because I pretty much do it every day anyway. So I'm not sure this counts, but it does give me pleasure so I'm keeping it on the list!
I included reading from a fictional novel or mystery to the list of ten. The funny thing is, is that the more I am learning about what I like and enjoy, the more time I want to spend on other pleasures besides reading fiction! So I have since removed that from the list and replaced it with my new found or rediscovered pleasure of writing!
I wanted laughter to be an important part of my daily life. Initially, I thought it'd be fun to watch a short segment from the comedy channel. However, I have learned that I don't think all comedians are equally funny! So, I am learning to look for opportunities to laugh. And it turns out that it isn't as hard as I thought it'd be because I myself provide plenty of opportunities! Not only that, once you get in the habit of laughing, it seems like more opportunities are sent to you!
I have given myself time to write daily in a gratitude journal which does wonders for creating a positive approach to the day! Along with this, is giving me quiet time to read the bible and pray.
Also on the list were eating one meal outside, exercising, and learning something new.
Since the creation of this list, I have found that as I've de-cluttered and replaced some negative behaviors that I've discovered other things I really enjoy and have unconsciously added to my list. I light candles everyday for the mood and the pleasant smell, and I've begun to where perfume everyday too!
What I am getting out of these daily pleasures, is that I am gaining a better perspective on my real likes and loves and these will likely evolve as I go through more of the self - coaching exercises. Also, I am now a better smelling, more easy-going, spiritual person which is not only great for me, but for my friends, family, coworkers and customers, too!
What is on your 10 daily pleasures list, and how does including these everyday change your behavior, attitude and/or perspective? Let me know!
I came up with a list and was sure that several of them were just added to get the list to ten. One of those being to "dance" to a song. Have you ever danced to a complete song, all by yourself? Songs can be reeeeally long! And even though I am physically fit, it is exhausting. I have since re-evaluated how much positive that brings to my day, and may just tap my feet or a swing a hip to the chorus!
I also included on the list, "sing along to a song or songs". This wasn't much of an addition to my life because I pretty much do it every day anyway. So I'm not sure this counts, but it does give me pleasure so I'm keeping it on the list!
I included reading from a fictional novel or mystery to the list of ten. The funny thing is, is that the more I am learning about what I like and enjoy, the more time I want to spend on other pleasures besides reading fiction! So I have since removed that from the list and replaced it with my new found or rediscovered pleasure of writing!
I wanted laughter to be an important part of my daily life. Initially, I thought it'd be fun to watch a short segment from the comedy channel. However, I have learned that I don't think all comedians are equally funny! So, I am learning to look for opportunities to laugh. And it turns out that it isn't as hard as I thought it'd be because I myself provide plenty of opportunities! Not only that, once you get in the habit of laughing, it seems like more opportunities are sent to you!
I have given myself time to write daily in a gratitude journal which does wonders for creating a positive approach to the day! Along with this, is giving me quiet time to read the bible and pray.
Also on the list were eating one meal outside, exercising, and learning something new.
Since the creation of this list, I have found that as I've de-cluttered and replaced some negative behaviors that I've discovered other things I really enjoy and have unconsciously added to my list. I light candles everyday for the mood and the pleasant smell, and I've begun to where perfume everyday too!
What I am getting out of these daily pleasures, is that I am gaining a better perspective on my real likes and loves and these will likely evolve as I go through more of the self - coaching exercises. Also, I am now a better smelling, more easy-going, spiritual person which is not only great for me, but for my friends, family, coworkers and customers, too!
What is on your 10 daily pleasures list, and how does including these everyday change your behavior, attitude and/or perspective? Let me know!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thinking Positively and Expecting the Best
Who hasn't heard of the power of positive thinking? Have you ever tried to put it into action? From the book "Coach Yourself To Success" Talane Miedaner offers the tip "Never Consider The Negative". Which means that you should put all your focus on a positive outcome because what you focus on is likely what you'll get.
I put this principle into action last week and today. Now I also am a firm believer in praying as well. So I used prayer in tandem with this principle.
Last week, I wanted to order some accessories for my motorcycle from the Yamaha store but the accessories were overpriced and totalled $263. I could get them on the internet for less than that, but I had been given a gift certificate for $250 to buy those accessories from Yamaha. I decided that I didn't want to pay any more than the amount of the gift certificate for the parts, and so I would only order from Yamaha if they would give me a 10% discount. Otherwise, I would use the gift certificate for needed maintenance and repairs and order the parts online.
So I went into the store and greeted the clerk with a smile and a 'hello'. He asked what he could do for me, and I gave him the printed sheet with the parts I wanted and said, "I am ready to order these from you if you can give me a 10% discount." He didn't even hesitate and said, "I don't see why we can't do that." Amazing! I would have never done that before but I expected to be accommodated and knew exactly what I wanted and went after it.
Today, I had representative from a flooring store come and work up an estimate for me for new floors. Based on my square footage and the cost per square foot they gave me for the specific style I chose, I had a rough estimate of what the floors should cost. So when they called me with the specific quote, I asked if I could have a discount for paying cash. The sales person said she would call me right back with an answer. She did and it wasn't as much as I'd hoped, so I said I would order the floors from them if they'd take an additional $50 off the cash price. She said "yes" and I got a very good deal on my floors!
(By the way, these two activities are occurring because they are on the list of "energy sappers" that need to be taken care of so that I will have more energy for the things that are really important to me!)
It is great to see how positive thinking and expectations can have great results! I can't wait to continue to use this principle!
Good luck to you in practicing and using this tip, and let me know how it goes!
I put this principle into action last week and today. Now I also am a firm believer in praying as well. So I used prayer in tandem with this principle.
Last week, I wanted to order some accessories for my motorcycle from the Yamaha store but the accessories were overpriced and totalled $263. I could get them on the internet for less than that, but I had been given a gift certificate for $250 to buy those accessories from Yamaha. I decided that I didn't want to pay any more than the amount of the gift certificate for the parts, and so I would only order from Yamaha if they would give me a 10% discount. Otherwise, I would use the gift certificate for needed maintenance and repairs and order the parts online.
So I went into the store and greeted the clerk with a smile and a 'hello'. He asked what he could do for me, and I gave him the printed sheet with the parts I wanted and said, "I am ready to order these from you if you can give me a 10% discount." He didn't even hesitate and said, "I don't see why we can't do that." Amazing! I would have never done that before but I expected to be accommodated and knew exactly what I wanted and went after it.
Today, I had representative from a flooring store come and work up an estimate for me for new floors. Based on my square footage and the cost per square foot they gave me for the specific style I chose, I had a rough estimate of what the floors should cost. So when they called me with the specific quote, I asked if I could have a discount for paying cash. The sales person said she would call me right back with an answer. She did and it wasn't as much as I'd hoped, so I said I would order the floors from them if they'd take an additional $50 off the cash price. She said "yes" and I got a very good deal on my floors!
(By the way, these two activities are occurring because they are on the list of "energy sappers" that need to be taken care of so that I will have more energy for the things that are really important to me!)
It is great to see how positive thinking and expectations can have great results! I can't wait to continue to use this principle!
Good luck to you in practicing and using this tip, and let me know how it goes!
The 4 Step Communication Model
Are you good at communicating with rude or difficult people? Do you run the other direction when you see confrontation coming? Is sarcasm part of your communication strategy? Are nonverbal messages your go-to strategy? (Have you caught yourself rolling your eyes, or maybe avoiding eye contact all together?) Do you silently stew about something someone said to you? These are all characteristics that suggest we have room for a little improvement in our communication skills. We all encounter people regulary who can be a challenge with which to communicate so why not learn how to make it go as smoothly as possible and show yourself some respect in the process! Talane Miedaner in her book "Coaching Yourself to Success" offers a model for communicating effectively in any situation.
The model goes like this. When someone says something that is inappropriate (be it desrepectful, rude, an interruption, etc.), you have an opportunity to immediately change the course of the dialogue. You can do this by INFORMING the person in a nuetral tone of voice of what you are observing (i.e. that they are speaking rudely, yelling, swearing, being disrespectful, etc). If the behavior doesn't change or stop, you then REQUEST in a nuetral tone of voice that they change their behavior (i.e. stop yelling, swearing, being rude, etc.) If that still doesn't work, then you DEMAND, in a nuetral tone of voice, that they change their behavior. And finally, if that doesn't work, then you LEAVE; just remove yourself and let them know that you can only continue a conversation with them when the negative behavior ceases. Keep in mind that this interaction should be done as soon as you realize you are bothered by what the other person did or said, and should be done privately if possible. By addressing it right away, you are showing yourself respect, you waste less energy by thinking about the negative interaction, and you give the other person respect by using the nuetral tone of voice and giving them the opportunity to change and carry on a productive conversation. So even if you don't get them to change their behavior, you are still doing a positive thing for yourself; therefore, how can you lose if you address a negative situation? Let's see if it works...
The next day after reading about this model, I was at work and got the opportunity to test it out, not with a customer as I was expecting, but with a coworker! I'd never met her before today, but was taken by surprise when she rudely announced to me that she would be doing something that was against company policy "and that's just the way I do it" she informed. Oh boy, here I go... So I asked her if I could speak with her alone (which raised her defenses). I fumbled a bit and just skipped over step one (INFORM) and launched right into step two when I REQUESTED that she follow company policy. I said it in a nuetral tone, but my red face and stutter hinted that I was uncomfortable with this conversation. With more attitude and an attempt at justifying her position, she finally agreed to follow policy. Hurray! She didn't seem overly joyful about it and I wondered how she'd treat me for the rest of the day. But I did have a sense of self respect that made me happy I'd said something! Also, I could let go of the frustration I initially felt from her because I'd said what I needed to, and didn't let it fester. And much to my dismay, she was cool towards me for only 10 more minutes, but then became very sociable and eventually we even developed a good rapport. Amazing!
Another instance I used this model was when I was sitting outside a store in the shade, and a young lady came outside nearby and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I immediately smiled at her and informed her that I didn't care for the smell of cigarette smoke and asked if she could move a little farther away. She made no fuss about it and just moved further down the way-much to my delight!
And finally, my last example of this communication working for me is when I ordered a blizzard from Dairy Queen (which is a common occurrence in my world), and it was given to me only 3/4 full. Prior to learning this communication model, I may have felt annoyed that I'd paid for a full cup and didn't get what I paid for. But I am learning that if you just address this issue right away, I don't have the opportunity to get annoyed, and the situation can get corrected sooner rather than later or not at all! So in this case I just simply informed the worker that it was not full, and asked that she fill it up. She did so without hesitation. How great is this model of communication and why don't all schools teach this when we're growing up?!
Go out and try this for yourself and let me know how it turns out!
The model goes like this. When someone says something that is inappropriate (be it desrepectful, rude, an interruption, etc.), you have an opportunity to immediately change the course of the dialogue. You can do this by INFORMING the person in a nuetral tone of voice of what you are observing (i.e. that they are speaking rudely, yelling, swearing, being disrespectful, etc). If the behavior doesn't change or stop, you then REQUEST in a nuetral tone of voice that they change their behavior (i.e. stop yelling, swearing, being rude, etc.) If that still doesn't work, then you DEMAND, in a nuetral tone of voice, that they change their behavior. And finally, if that doesn't work, then you LEAVE; just remove yourself and let them know that you can only continue a conversation with them when the negative behavior ceases. Keep in mind that this interaction should be done as soon as you realize you are bothered by what the other person did or said, and should be done privately if possible. By addressing it right away, you are showing yourself respect, you waste less energy by thinking about the negative interaction, and you give the other person respect by using the nuetral tone of voice and giving them the opportunity to change and carry on a productive conversation. So even if you don't get them to change their behavior, you are still doing a positive thing for yourself; therefore, how can you lose if you address a negative situation? Let's see if it works...
The next day after reading about this model, I was at work and got the opportunity to test it out, not with a customer as I was expecting, but with a coworker! I'd never met her before today, but was taken by surprise when she rudely announced to me that she would be doing something that was against company policy "and that's just the way I do it" she informed. Oh boy, here I go... So I asked her if I could speak with her alone (which raised her defenses). I fumbled a bit and just skipped over step one (INFORM) and launched right into step two when I REQUESTED that she follow company policy. I said it in a nuetral tone, but my red face and stutter hinted that I was uncomfortable with this conversation. With more attitude and an attempt at justifying her position, she finally agreed to follow policy. Hurray! She didn't seem overly joyful about it and I wondered how she'd treat me for the rest of the day. But I did have a sense of self respect that made me happy I'd said something! Also, I could let go of the frustration I initially felt from her because I'd said what I needed to, and didn't let it fester. And much to my dismay, she was cool towards me for only 10 more minutes, but then became very sociable and eventually we even developed a good rapport. Amazing!
Another instance I used this model was when I was sitting outside a store in the shade, and a young lady came outside nearby and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I immediately smiled at her and informed her that I didn't care for the smell of cigarette smoke and asked if she could move a little farther away. She made no fuss about it and just moved further down the way-much to my delight!
And finally, my last example of this communication working for me is when I ordered a blizzard from Dairy Queen (which is a common occurrence in my world), and it was given to me only 3/4 full. Prior to learning this communication model, I may have felt annoyed that I'd paid for a full cup and didn't get what I paid for. But I am learning that if you just address this issue right away, I don't have the opportunity to get annoyed, and the situation can get corrected sooner rather than later or not at all! So in this case I just simply informed the worker that it was not full, and asked that she fill it up. She did so without hesitation. How great is this model of communication and why don't all schools teach this when we're growing up?!
Go out and try this for yourself and let me know how it turns out!
Creating Energy By Decluttering
Oh the task that loomed ahead of me caused me great dread! The decluttering of my overstuffed, undersized bedroom (or multipurpose room as it is a bedroom/coat closet/linen closet/storage room). This little room housed an a great quantity of "stuff". I couldn't wait to get rid of some of this "stuff", but didn't really know how to get started.
So one Friday afternoon I just opened up the closet door and started pulling things out, making piles for 1)give away 2)keep and 3)throw out (unfortunately nothing I have to eliminate would net me a large sum of money so no use in using Craig's List or Ebay. Does that say anything about what I own?? I hope not!) After working for several hours on this, I had to quit for the day, but the bedroom was such a disaster area that I couldn't sleep there for two nights. Sleeping on the sofa was definitely incentive to get this task completed! So I spent another full day reorganizing and eliminating til there was nothing to store under the bed, behind the door or on the floor of the closet. My jeep was so stuffed with things to donate, I could barely see out the back window! Oh how light I felt after getting rid of this "stuff". My clothes were organized and wouldn't get wrinkled just from hanging in an overstuffed closet, and I could get something off the shelf without an avalanche of clothes toppling on my head! Who knew this could bring such joy! And then I pondered how I could have ever gotten this much stuff. Now I am completely repulsed by the thought of shopping! I have just enough space for everything I have. So I now know that a new purchase will require an elimination. Oh that makes shopping so much more interesting (and less costly than before!). Even when I was out of town and hadn't packed something warm enough, I had to really debate with myself about purchasing something new. What would I get rid of? Can I find something inexpensive that will get utilized for many occassions. It took awhile, but the versatile piece was found (and the elimination was made when I got home). That'll teach me to not pack properly!! And for the this shoe lover, the task of eliminating shoes was tough. Do I miss them. Nope. I should've done this long ago! Do I want to buy more shoes. Well, yes. Will I? Not without getting rid of a pair! I'm sticking to the rule!
And as for the whole Feng Shui thing that says that you shouldn't store things under the bed- I have become a believer. I now love my bed and my bedroom and feel so peaceful there. Weird huh?! But it's true, not storing stuff under there gives good energy to the room!
Next up, the kitchen! It's a tiny kitchen, but took me a whole day to declutter. I made the most of it, because as I found items I hadn't seen for a while, I had to test them out. Early in the day, I found a smoothie machine and all day long I tried new inventions like iced coffee, iced caramel coffee, pink lemonade smoothie, and whatever else I had on hand. The smoothie machine was definitely a keeper. So far the George Forman has been kept, but I'm not sure why. Anyway, the kitchen turned out great, and once again, the Goodwill loves me. I've almost considered an open house to show off the joy I have about my new space!
To celebrate my efforts, tomorrow I get to go to the flooring store and order my new floors! I couldn't be more excited. Thank you Talane Miedaner for offering these decluttering tips! Try it and you'll be amazed at the boost you get from doing this!
So one Friday afternoon I just opened up the closet door and started pulling things out, making piles for 1)give away 2)keep and 3)throw out (unfortunately nothing I have to eliminate would net me a large sum of money so no use in using Craig's List or Ebay. Does that say anything about what I own?? I hope not!) After working for several hours on this, I had to quit for the day, but the bedroom was such a disaster area that I couldn't sleep there for two nights. Sleeping on the sofa was definitely incentive to get this task completed! So I spent another full day reorganizing and eliminating til there was nothing to store under the bed, behind the door or on the floor of the closet. My jeep was so stuffed with things to donate, I could barely see out the back window! Oh how light I felt after getting rid of this "stuff". My clothes were organized and wouldn't get wrinkled just from hanging in an overstuffed closet, and I could get something off the shelf without an avalanche of clothes toppling on my head! Who knew this could bring such joy! And then I pondered how I could have ever gotten this much stuff. Now I am completely repulsed by the thought of shopping! I have just enough space for everything I have. So I now know that a new purchase will require an elimination. Oh that makes shopping so much more interesting (and less costly than before!). Even when I was out of town and hadn't packed something warm enough, I had to really debate with myself about purchasing something new. What would I get rid of? Can I find something inexpensive that will get utilized for many occassions. It took awhile, but the versatile piece was found (and the elimination was made when I got home). That'll teach me to not pack properly!! And for the this shoe lover, the task of eliminating shoes was tough. Do I miss them. Nope. I should've done this long ago! Do I want to buy more shoes. Well, yes. Will I? Not without getting rid of a pair! I'm sticking to the rule!
And as for the whole Feng Shui thing that says that you shouldn't store things under the bed- I have become a believer. I now love my bed and my bedroom and feel so peaceful there. Weird huh?! But it's true, not storing stuff under there gives good energy to the room!
Next up, the kitchen! It's a tiny kitchen, but took me a whole day to declutter. I made the most of it, because as I found items I hadn't seen for a while, I had to test them out. Early in the day, I found a smoothie machine and all day long I tried new inventions like iced coffee, iced caramel coffee, pink lemonade smoothie, and whatever else I had on hand. The smoothie machine was definitely a keeper. So far the George Forman has been kept, but I'm not sure why. Anyway, the kitchen turned out great, and once again, the Goodwill loves me. I've almost considered an open house to show off the joy I have about my new space!
To celebrate my efforts, tomorrow I get to go to the flooring store and order my new floors! I couldn't be more excited. Thank you Talane Miedaner for offering these decluttering tips! Try it and you'll be amazed at the boost you get from doing this!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Eliminating Pesky Annoyances and Energy Drains
In order to build a solid foundation to enable the focus and energy needed for personal growth and development, you need to free up some energy, time and space. These are finite commodities, so when they are not utilized efficiently, our goals are often competing with less important tasks, relationships, communications and activities. (Watching "The Biggest Loser" comes to mind as does reading Star magazine, listening to anything Nancy Pelosi says...you get my drift). Our energy is divided among many, many things versus spending it on what really matters to us and what brings us peace, joy, excitement and fulfillment. In her book Coaching Yourself to Success, Talane Miedaner says that "Everything you are tolerating, drains your energy, makes you irritable and wears you down." Her task for me, to really open my eyes to all those things I am just tolerating and that are draining my energy, was to make a list of 60-100 things that I am/was just tolerating. The following is (most of) my list:
Things I am Just Tolerating:
1. Dingy grout in the tub
2. Rust stain in the tub
3. Tile and carpet I dislike
4. Dead outdoor plants
5. Clutter under the bed
6. Overstuffed closet
7. Exterior deterioration of my condo and property
8. Cat spray smell outside my condo door
9. My old kitchen and bathroom counters
10.Having no knobs on the kitchen cabinets
11.Piece of unstained/unmatching wood in kitchen
12.Microwave sitting on the counter
13.Messy, stuffed pantry
14.Broken vacuum cleaner
15.Bathroom vanity (ugly/no storage space)
16.Social life
17.Bathroom light fixture
18.Kitchen light fixture
19.Desk with no drawers/storage
20.Sliding doors-hard to open
21.Plumbing needs changed
22.Electrical fuse box needs updated
23.Property landscaping/entrance is ugly
24.Lack of family close by
25.Job-schedule
26.Long drive to amentities (church, running club, classes, etc)
27.Lack of things in common with neighbors
28.Job-underappreciated by customers and boss
29.Job-being away from home so often
30.Eating alone
31.Condo Board of Directors-slow to accomplish improvements
32.Lack of regular, stimulating conversation
33.No dating life
34.Clutter in bedroom (too much furniture, stuff behind door)
35.Pollen on outdoor furniture
36.My pearly off-whites
37.Gym-not open 24 hours; lacks classes I want
38.Lack of close friendships in town
39.Job-unfulfilling work; unstimulating work
40.Bad allergies
41.Facebook
42.Lack of support system in town
43.Watches with dead batteries
44.Tarnished jewelry
45.Messy and unattractive ring and watch holder in bathroom
46.Messy undersink storage in bathroom
47.Stuffed and messy outdoor storage
48.(relationship)
49.Worrying about identity theft
50.Ugly mirror in bathroom
51.Dripping water in bathroom
52.Necklace storage-incovenient and unattractive
53.Unclean condo
54.Noisy neighbor
55.Lack of coat closet
56.Lack of book shelves
57.Lack of spare bedroom
58.Lack of storage for gear (bicycle, motorcycle)
59.Baseboards (ugly, need painted)
60.Kitchen faucet
61.No vent hood on stove
62.(relationships-work)
63.Lack of cultural things close by
64.Car-needs vacuumed
In creating this list, what stood out was how "stuff" played a major part in draining my energy- specifically, too much stuff! Some of the other energy drains regarding relationships, support and work may require some energy to deal with so I decided to get that energy by eliminating the drains that could get me momentum.
I've wanted to update the condo for at least a year, and now have realized that the clutter and stuff was detouring me from this goal. So decluttering was where I've decided to start--and didn't get far before being distracted by a gorgeous spring day! Using that to my advantage, I tackled some of the outdoor energy drains. I picked up my new and lovely plants, decided to downsize the number this year to minimize the energy they'd take to keep alive (what with my black thumb and all), put my headphones on, and potted away the day! Not only are the new plants gorgeous, but I took some time to clean off the outdoor furniture, touch up paint, and throw out my unwelcoming welcome mat! What do you know, but my entrance has become more welcoming and inviting! I get a burst of happiness and energy every time I see the pretty blooms and clean, tidy space outside! I did realize that one more thing that was within my control needed to be addressed and that was the cat spray smell left by my front door by the neighbor's cat in an effort to show his dislike for my indoor pets. No, I can't eliminate the cat (...or can I???), so I concocted a cleaning solvent and scrubbed away. The smell is gone and just to be sure the cat doesn't come close anymore, I left orange aroma by my entrance which is suppose to repel cats. In addition, I posted a notice reminding residents of the deed restrictions concerning pets, and much to my joy, the roaming cat population has diminished to almost none, and they haven't been back to spray in front of my door- Now that's an energy booster! (And the chores I were dreading were turned into fun by a sunny, warm day and great music and no rushing to get them done!)
In the next article, I will eliminate the energy drains from my overstuffed, undersized bedroom (or multipurpose room as it is a bedroom/storage room/spare bedroom/coat closet/attic- but thank God not a bathroom too!). See how this task has changed my outlook on shopping, shoes and feng shui!
Things I am Just Tolerating:
1. Dingy grout in the tub
2. Rust stain in the tub
3. Tile and carpet I dislike
4. Dead outdoor plants
5. Clutter under the bed
6. Overstuffed closet
7. Exterior deterioration of my condo and property
8. Cat spray smell outside my condo door
9. My old kitchen and bathroom counters
10.Having no knobs on the kitchen cabinets
11.Piece of unstained/unmatching wood in kitchen
12.Microwave sitting on the counter
13.Messy, stuffed pantry
14.Broken vacuum cleaner
15.Bathroom vanity (ugly/no storage space)
16.Social life
17.Bathroom light fixture
18.Kitchen light fixture
19.Desk with no drawers/storage
20.Sliding doors-hard to open
21.Plumbing needs changed
22.Electrical fuse box needs updated
23.Property landscaping/entrance is ugly
24.Lack of family close by
25.Job-schedule
26.Long drive to amentities (church, running club, classes, etc)
27.Lack of things in common with neighbors
28.Job-underappreciated by customers and boss
29.Job-being away from home so often
30.Eating alone
31.Condo Board of Directors-slow to accomplish improvements
32.Lack of regular, stimulating conversation
33.No dating life
34.Clutter in bedroom (too much furniture, stuff behind door)
35.Pollen on outdoor furniture
36.My pearly off-whites
37.Gym-not open 24 hours; lacks classes I want
38.Lack of close friendships in town
39.Job-unfulfilling work; unstimulating work
40.Bad allergies
41.Facebook
42.Lack of support system in town
43.Watches with dead batteries
44.Tarnished jewelry
45.Messy and unattractive ring and watch holder in bathroom
46.Messy undersink storage in bathroom
47.Stuffed and messy outdoor storage
48.(relationship)
49.Worrying about identity theft
50.Ugly mirror in bathroom
51.Dripping water in bathroom
52.Necklace storage-incovenient and unattractive
53.Unclean condo
54.Noisy neighbor
55.Lack of coat closet
56.Lack of book shelves
57.Lack of spare bedroom
58.Lack of storage for gear (bicycle, motorcycle)
59.Baseboards (ugly, need painted)
60.Kitchen faucet
61.No vent hood on stove
62.(relationships-work)
63.Lack of cultural things close by
64.Car-needs vacuumed
In creating this list, what stood out was how "stuff" played a major part in draining my energy- specifically, too much stuff! Some of the other energy drains regarding relationships, support and work may require some energy to deal with so I decided to get that energy by eliminating the drains that could get me momentum.
I've wanted to update the condo for at least a year, and now have realized that the clutter and stuff was detouring me from this goal. So decluttering was where I've decided to start--and didn't get far before being distracted by a gorgeous spring day! Using that to my advantage, I tackled some of the outdoor energy drains. I picked up my new and lovely plants, decided to downsize the number this year to minimize the energy they'd take to keep alive (what with my black thumb and all), put my headphones on, and potted away the day! Not only are the new plants gorgeous, but I took some time to clean off the outdoor furniture, touch up paint, and throw out my unwelcoming welcome mat! What do you know, but my entrance has become more welcoming and inviting! I get a burst of happiness and energy every time I see the pretty blooms and clean, tidy space outside! I did realize that one more thing that was within my control needed to be addressed and that was the cat spray smell left by my front door by the neighbor's cat in an effort to show his dislike for my indoor pets. No, I can't eliminate the cat (...or can I???), so I concocted a cleaning solvent and scrubbed away. The smell is gone and just to be sure the cat doesn't come close anymore, I left orange aroma by my entrance which is suppose to repel cats. In addition, I posted a notice reminding residents of the deed restrictions concerning pets, and much to my joy, the roaming cat population has diminished to almost none, and they haven't been back to spray in front of my door- Now that's an energy booster! (And the chores I were dreading were turned into fun by a sunny, warm day and great music and no rushing to get them done!)
In the next article, I will eliminate the energy drains from my overstuffed, undersized bedroom (or multipurpose room as it is a bedroom/storage room/spare bedroom/coat closet/attic- but thank God not a bathroom too!). See how this task has changed my outlook on shopping, shoes and feng shui!
Building a Solid Foundation for Change
Welcome to my first and most important endeavor to change my life and enable me to be succesful in defining and achieving future goals. In her book "Coach Yourself to Success" Talane Miedaner states that the very first principle that you need to address is to build a solid foundation for change by reducing distractions and energy drains, and replacing them with "positive, nurturing energy boosters."
So the questions I asked myself were "What is the most obvious, glaring energy drain in my life? What is it that I hide behind, turn to for relief, use as a distraction but gives me nothing in return but a false sense of comfort?" This was an easy question for me, but the hardest thing in my life to tackle. We all have a primary crutch we use to avoid facing the troubling things in our lives and it only serves to take away our energy and confidence to change! It may be shopping, acohol, food, work, drugs, or busy-ness. I, myself, considered avoiding this particular issue and moving on to other smaller distractions and energy sappers. But what really, then, is the point of going through this process if I'm not willing to do the most important steps? Could I be successful without addressing this glaring issue. Absolutely not. Part of success is to be honest with yourself and with others. And just the very act of removing the lie from your life will change how you feel about yourself. So beware, this is a heavy topic to begin with, but without tackling this first, the successive exercises would be pointless. Anyway, I usually like to get the hard tasks out of the way first and then free up my mind and energy for more enjoyable, fun tasks.
I am finally addressing the crutch I've used for 14 years. It has been the number one distraction, addiction, and escape mechanism of my life. It has held me prisoner and the prison kept encompassing more and more of my life, taking more energy and focus away from passions and purposeful living and most importantly, relationships. Divided focus decreases the ability for success because energy is not fully devoted to one goal. Without tackling this obstacle, I would never reach my full potential because I was hiding my true self, even from me. How would I know my goals, passions, desires, and needs if I wouldn't allow myself to explore these things? Without this foundation of identifying true goals and passions,I may waste valuable time and energy pursuing some goal about which I would ultimately not be passionate. So if I am going to change my life, I am going to do it with a solid foundation.
My primary obstacle is my eating disorder. (For you it could be food addiction, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, work-aholism, a relationship, or anything you turn to for comfort that is negatively impacting your life and/or hindering you from accomplishing goals). For many months I had been asking God to help me with this obstacle. But inside I didn't have the desire to really change it because I was afraid. What I needed to change was the desire to eliminate this behavior from my life. I needed the desire to learn to love who I was and to focus on what my life could be without crutches.
I began praying regularly for the desire to change this behavior. After weeks went by, I began to wonder if I was still praying for the wrong thing because I was still as desperate as ever for God to help me. I felt like opportunities were waiting for me and I was fearful that I would waste more years of my life with this addiction. One Sunday morning, I was sitting in church and the pastor was talking about vows made to God and how making a vow and breaking it is far worse than never making it in the first place. "Well, here is my answer" I thought to myself. Now it isn't going to be about me, but about my love and respect and honor of God. So while we had silent prayer time, I vowed to God that I would not participate in this destructive behavior again. I vowed to let God lead me me through healing and help me focus on His will for my life. I cried to God knowing that only He could help me, and I'd let go of the control. I was terrified of facing the inevitable anxiety that would come. And was terrified as to how I would get through it. God is miraculous. He has helped me shift my focus onto the hope He has given me. He has helped to reduce my usually incessant thinking about food. Talane suggests that 'where you place your focus is where you place your energy'. To remove my focus from food, my energy went to reading, learning, relationships, getting enough sleep, and so much more that I couldn't find the time for prior, because the eating disorder was so exhausting.
It has been 25 days, and I am thrilled that I have been 100 percent successful. With the hope I've found in my ability to live a fulfilling life and with God's blessings, I've found positive outlets for reducing my anxieties such as writing, reading, praying, taking a walk, talking to friends or family, or just plain focusing on something or someone else. I also pray often for God's strength and guidance. When I find myself starting to focus on weight and food and how to shed extra weight, I consciously shift my focus to accepting the weight while trying to make healthier food choices. And then I continue to focus on something positive. I am also letting God lead me and letting hunger be my guide. After 14 years of not eating properly, knowing what a real meal looks like is hard to grasp and the sensation of "fullness" is still uncomfortable. It will take more time and acceptance and more learning, but in the meantime, I thank God for the message Coach Yourself To Success has given me, and I am thankful for the new desires and excitement that He has given me on which to focus!
By ridding myself of distractions and energy sappers that inhibit me from fully knowing and pursuing goals, I can build a solid foundation of positive energy, discovered passions and desires, and appropriate goals. Already, I have found new loves. I had never really enjoyed "relaxing" before, because I couldn't. Now I can! And I observe so much more about my environment such as smells and sounds; I enjoy engaging in conversation with people wherever I am; I find that I am smiling easier, laughing more, and singing often. I am finding pure joy in writing; and learning is a joy because I have confidence I can put what I've learned into practice. I enjoy lighting candles. I can enjoy a relaxing bath. But most noticeable is my ability to focus more easily on what I am trying to accomplish, read or learn. I am learning more about my likes and dislikes, which is guiding me in my effort to learn what success is going to mean for my life!
I hope you will take this huge step with me and turn your life toward success. Identify your biggest crutch, distraction, or addiction which limits your ability to reach your potential. You will be amazed at what you learn about yourself that you couldn't see before. Seek the strength of God in this journey, or a close friend or family, but get started today! And let me know how it's going!
(Because of the enormity of this task, there will be continued learning and frustrations as I learn to completely shift my focus away from this issue. I will be working on it for a long while, but will only follow up on progress occassionally. But the true focus of this blog is to write about all the activities I pursue in an effort to coach myself to success. I have additional steps towards building my solid foundation in the articles to come which are much simpler and offer a more immediate reward of more energy, time or space.)
So the questions I asked myself were "What is the most obvious, glaring energy drain in my life? What is it that I hide behind, turn to for relief, use as a distraction but gives me nothing in return but a false sense of comfort?" This was an easy question for me, but the hardest thing in my life to tackle. We all have a primary crutch we use to avoid facing the troubling things in our lives and it only serves to take away our energy and confidence to change! It may be shopping, acohol, food, work, drugs, or busy-ness. I, myself, considered avoiding this particular issue and moving on to other smaller distractions and energy sappers. But what really, then, is the point of going through this process if I'm not willing to do the most important steps? Could I be successful without addressing this glaring issue. Absolutely not. Part of success is to be honest with yourself and with others. And just the very act of removing the lie from your life will change how you feel about yourself. So beware, this is a heavy topic to begin with, but without tackling this first, the successive exercises would be pointless. Anyway, I usually like to get the hard tasks out of the way first and then free up my mind and energy for more enjoyable, fun tasks.
I am finally addressing the crutch I've used for 14 years. It has been the number one distraction, addiction, and escape mechanism of my life. It has held me prisoner and the prison kept encompassing more and more of my life, taking more energy and focus away from passions and purposeful living and most importantly, relationships. Divided focus decreases the ability for success because energy is not fully devoted to one goal. Without tackling this obstacle, I would never reach my full potential because I was hiding my true self, even from me. How would I know my goals, passions, desires, and needs if I wouldn't allow myself to explore these things? Without this foundation of identifying true goals and passions,I may waste valuable time and energy pursuing some goal about which I would ultimately not be passionate. So if I am going to change my life, I am going to do it with a solid foundation.
My primary obstacle is my eating disorder. (For you it could be food addiction, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, work-aholism, a relationship, or anything you turn to for comfort that is negatively impacting your life and/or hindering you from accomplishing goals). For many months I had been asking God to help me with this obstacle. But inside I didn't have the desire to really change it because I was afraid. What I needed to change was the desire to eliminate this behavior from my life. I needed the desire to learn to love who I was and to focus on what my life could be without crutches.
I began praying regularly for the desire to change this behavior. After weeks went by, I began to wonder if I was still praying for the wrong thing because I was still as desperate as ever for God to help me. I felt like opportunities were waiting for me and I was fearful that I would waste more years of my life with this addiction. One Sunday morning, I was sitting in church and the pastor was talking about vows made to God and how making a vow and breaking it is far worse than never making it in the first place. "Well, here is my answer" I thought to myself. Now it isn't going to be about me, but about my love and respect and honor of God. So while we had silent prayer time, I vowed to God that I would not participate in this destructive behavior again. I vowed to let God lead me me through healing and help me focus on His will for my life. I cried to God knowing that only He could help me, and I'd let go of the control. I was terrified of facing the inevitable anxiety that would come. And was terrified as to how I would get through it. God is miraculous. He has helped me shift my focus onto the hope He has given me. He has helped to reduce my usually incessant thinking about food. Talane suggests that 'where you place your focus is where you place your energy'. To remove my focus from food, my energy went to reading, learning, relationships, getting enough sleep, and so much more that I couldn't find the time for prior, because the eating disorder was so exhausting.
It has been 25 days, and I am thrilled that I have been 100 percent successful. With the hope I've found in my ability to live a fulfilling life and with God's blessings, I've found positive outlets for reducing my anxieties such as writing, reading, praying, taking a walk, talking to friends or family, or just plain focusing on something or someone else. I also pray often for God's strength and guidance. When I find myself starting to focus on weight and food and how to shed extra weight, I consciously shift my focus to accepting the weight while trying to make healthier food choices. And then I continue to focus on something positive. I am also letting God lead me and letting hunger be my guide. After 14 years of not eating properly, knowing what a real meal looks like is hard to grasp and the sensation of "fullness" is still uncomfortable. It will take more time and acceptance and more learning, but in the meantime, I thank God for the message Coach Yourself To Success has given me, and I am thankful for the new desires and excitement that He has given me on which to focus!
By ridding myself of distractions and energy sappers that inhibit me from fully knowing and pursuing goals, I can build a solid foundation of positive energy, discovered passions and desires, and appropriate goals. Already, I have found new loves. I had never really enjoyed "relaxing" before, because I couldn't. Now I can! And I observe so much more about my environment such as smells and sounds; I enjoy engaging in conversation with people wherever I am; I find that I am smiling easier, laughing more, and singing often. I am finding pure joy in writing; and learning is a joy because I have confidence I can put what I've learned into practice. I enjoy lighting candles. I can enjoy a relaxing bath. But most noticeable is my ability to focus more easily on what I am trying to accomplish, read or learn. I am learning more about my likes and dislikes, which is guiding me in my effort to learn what success is going to mean for my life!
I hope you will take this huge step with me and turn your life toward success. Identify your biggest crutch, distraction, or addiction which limits your ability to reach your potential. You will be amazed at what you learn about yourself that you couldn't see before. Seek the strength of God in this journey, or a close friend or family, but get started today! And let me know how it's going!
(Because of the enormity of this task, there will be continued learning and frustrations as I learn to completely shift my focus away from this issue. I will be working on it for a long while, but will only follow up on progress occassionally. But the true focus of this blog is to write about all the activities I pursue in an effort to coach myself to success. I have additional steps towards building my solid foundation in the articles to come which are much simpler and offer a more immediate reward of more energy, time or space.)
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