Enough With The "Shoulds"!

What could be more self-defeating than our ever-present list of things we "should" do, have, get or be? Why do we create these "shoulds". You know what I'm talking about: I should lose 10 pounds; I should save more money; I should call my mom more often; I should clean the house more often; and on and on they go. We create these lists of shoulds often because society sets a standard that we feel compelled to meet regardless of how unrealistic, unattainable, or unenjoyable they may be! We are so busy being busy, that we don't think too deeply about why these "shoulds" exist. Many times it's because the media and marketing are simply trying to sell you something: a new drug, a diet pill, a cosmetic, a cleaning product, etc. Sometimes "shoulds" are carried over from our families of origin without much thought as to why we carried them into our own lives. Were they functional beliefs? If so, why do they feel like weights? It's time to examine what "shoulds" we have in our lives, and get rid of as many as we can!

My first "should" I addressed is something that I get great enjoyment out of and would never consider eliminating it from my life, and that is exercise. However, when it loses it's enjoyment is when I start being rigid with a training program, and feel compelled to train even though all the signs are telling me to take a day (or more) off. All you exercise finatics know the signs: injury, sickness, being exhausted, or even when sleep is compromised significantly just to get that workout in! That is when we are letting the "should" takeover and we are not listening to what the universe is telling us. I have really begun to listen to the messages my body as well as external factors are telling me when it comes to training. And the wonderful thing is, is that my love of it is stronger than ever, and I have been injury-free for over a year and a half! Amazing!

The next "should" I addressed is a simple one, but found that it, too, was draining energy because I was doing it because I felt I "should", not because I really enjoyed it and that is checking in with Facebook regularly. Initially this seems like a mundane item to include. However, this particular social site can consume large amounts of time. I was finding that I started to feel "out of the loop" when I didn't check it regularly. I was aware of how it seemed to connect some people more, but create disconnect among others. What I mean by this is that people seemed to be calling less frequently and held expectations that if you are both on Facebook, that you will know what is going on with them. My conclusion for myself is that I recognize that I prefer one on one dialogue versus stating an opinion or fact on Facebook without really addressing it to anyone in particular. I agree, that it can start a form of dialogue, but you don't know when that might happen, and it is not an immediate dialogue. I do enjoy some aspects of Facebook, and realize its value. However, those who know me, will understand that I prefer a call, text or even a direct email, or best of all is a face to face chat! So I have thrown out the "should" check in with Facebook often and feel freer already!

The final "should" I will address is that I feel that I "should" love my current job, and be thankful for it in this down economy. The truth is that I AM grateful for the income, and the job itself has served me well over the last 13 years, but I do not love it anymore. It is a very low stress job and I don't ever have to bring work home with me. However, by recognizing that I felt compelled to love/like this job I have been able to ask myself why I have to try to convince myself to love it! Ah ha! The season for this particular full time venture is over and I have just been struggling to come to terms with this. Why? Because that means change, and I don't know exacttly what direction to go. And part of the reason for not knowing more about myself and my strengths and likes is that I've been in "busy" mode for so long. I have probably been trying to avoid recognizing that there were things in my life with which I have not been happy, my job being one of those things. Now that I am examining what is on my "should" list, I can see that I need to make a change in regards to my job. And thus, the exercises and exploration towards "Getting the Goal" which is actually the result that will come after "defining the goal"!

Good luck getting rid of your "shoulds" and freeing yourself up for the things that really matter to you and that you enjoy!