The Communication Model in Reverse

In an earlier post, I covered a model of communication that will help you deal with anybody, particularly addressing challenging individuals. To review the steps, they are 1)Inform the person your perception (i.e. Are you aware that you are yelling?) 2) Request they change their behavior, 3) Demand that they change their behavior, and 4) Leave if it continues. All this is done with a completely neutral tone of voice (and no bad facial expressions, either!).

Well, due to a communication breakdown between me and the sales lady at the flooring store, I didn't bring the right form of payment with me. I understood my role in the breakdown, and told her I would go home and get my checkbook and come back shortly thereafter. I made a 20 minute stop at my friend's house and didn't hear the phone, so there was a message waiting for me from the sales lady. She had called to tell me that I needed cash-cash, not a check. So, I became a bit perturbed because my house is in the opposite direction of my bank so that I'd have to add an additional 40 minutes to my errands just to go to the bank and get the cash and return to the store. So when I called her to let her know that it would take me a lot longer to get back to the store, the annoyance was apparent in my voice. She was kind and just apologized for the misunderstanding.

As I was driving to the bank, I realized how I was taking out my frustration on her. We were both not clear on exactly what form of payment I needed to bring, and it was not her fault that I did not answer my phone when she was kind enough to try to spare me the trip to get my checkbook.

Because I've been practicing dealing with rude or challenging communication using the 4 step model, I am more aware of communication that is troubling. And when I looked at this interaction, there was no blame on the sales lady's part, and I could clearly see that I was wrong to address her as I did. When I got to the store, I immediately told her that I owed her a big apology for addressing her so rudely on the phone when she was trying to be so helpful and kind. She accepted the apology easily and with this cleared up, we were able to finish the transaction and even to enjoy some non-related conversation.

Although the author of "Coach Yourself to Success" doesn't really address this reversal, it is amazing to me how quickly I can recognize when I am being out of line, and how much better it is to address it with whom I am communicating-- A bonus of learning this communication model! (But hopefully you won't have too many instances where you'll have to apply it to yourself!)