Building a Solid Foundation for Change

Welcome to my first and most important endeavor to change my life and enable me to be succesful in defining and achieving future goals. In her book "Coach Yourself to Success" Talane Miedaner states that the very first principle that you need to address is to build a solid foundation for change by reducing distractions and energy drains, and replacing them with "positive, nurturing energy boosters."

So the questions I asked myself were "What is the most obvious, glaring energy drain in my life? What is it that I hide behind, turn to for relief, use as a distraction but gives me nothing in return but a false sense of comfort?" This was an easy question for me, but the hardest thing in my life to tackle. We all have a primary crutch we use to avoid facing the troubling things in our lives and it only serves to take away our energy and confidence to change! It may be shopping, acohol, food, work, drugs, or busy-ness. I, myself, considered avoiding this particular issue and moving on to other smaller distractions and energy sappers. But what really, then, is the point of going through this process if I'm not willing to do the most important steps? Could I be successful without addressing this glaring issue. Absolutely not. Part of success is to be honest with yourself and with others. And just the very act of removing the lie from your life will change how you feel about yourself. So beware, this is a heavy topic to begin with, but without tackling this first, the successive exercises would be pointless. Anyway, I usually like to get the hard tasks out of the way first and then free up my mind and energy for more enjoyable, fun tasks.

I am finally addressing the crutch I've used for 14 years. It has been the number one distraction, addiction, and escape mechanism of my life. It has held me prisoner and the prison kept encompassing more and more of my life, taking more energy and focus away from passions and purposeful living and most importantly, relationships. Divided focus decreases the ability for success because energy is not fully devoted to one goal. Without tackling this obstacle, I would never reach my full potential because I was hiding my true self, even from me. How would I know my goals, passions, desires, and needs if I wouldn't allow myself to explore these things? Without this foundation of identifying true goals and passions,I may waste valuable time and energy pursuing some goal about which I would ultimately not be passionate. So if I am going to change my life, I am going to do it with a solid foundation.

My primary obstacle is my eating disorder. (For you it could be food addiction, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, work-aholism, a relationship, or anything you turn to for comfort that is negatively impacting your life and/or hindering you from accomplishing goals). For many months I had been asking God to help me with this obstacle. But inside I didn't have the desire to really change it because I was afraid. What I needed to change was the desire to eliminate this behavior from my life. I needed the desire to learn to love who I was and to focus on what my life could be without crutches.

I began praying regularly for the desire to change this behavior. After weeks went by, I began to wonder if I was still praying for the wrong thing because I was still as desperate as ever for God to help me. I felt like opportunities were waiting for me and I was fearful that I would waste more years of my life with this addiction. One Sunday morning, I was sitting in church and the pastor was talking about vows made to God and how making a vow and breaking it is far worse than never making it in the first place. "Well, here is my answer" I thought to myself. Now it isn't going to be about me, but about my love and respect and honor of God. So while we had silent prayer time, I vowed to God that I would not participate in this destructive behavior again. I vowed to let God lead me me through healing and help me focus on His will for my life. I cried to God knowing that only He could help me, and I'd let go of the control. I was terrified of facing the inevitable anxiety that would come. And was terrified as to how I would get through it. God is miraculous. He has helped me shift my focus onto the hope He has given me. He has helped to reduce my usually incessant thinking about food. Talane suggests that 'where you place your focus is where you place your energy'. To remove my focus from food, my energy went to reading, learning, relationships, getting enough sleep, and so much more that I couldn't find the time for prior, because the eating disorder was so exhausting.

It has been 25 days, and I am thrilled that I have been 100 percent successful. With the hope I've found in my ability to live a fulfilling life and with God's blessings, I've found positive outlets for reducing my anxieties such as writing, reading, praying, taking a walk, talking to friends or family, or just plain focusing on something or someone else. I also pray often for God's strength and guidance. When I find myself starting to focus on weight and food and how to shed extra weight, I consciously shift my focus to accepting the weight while trying to make healthier food choices. And then I continue to focus on something positive. I am also letting God lead me and letting hunger be my guide. After 14 years of not eating properly, knowing what a real meal looks like is hard to grasp and the sensation of "fullness" is still uncomfortable. It will take more time and acceptance and more learning, but in the meantime, I thank God for the message Coach Yourself To Success has given me, and I am thankful for the new desires and excitement that He has given me on which to focus!

By ridding myself of distractions and energy sappers that inhibit me from fully knowing and pursuing goals, I can build a solid foundation of positive energy, discovered passions and desires, and appropriate goals. Already, I have found new loves. I had never really enjoyed "relaxing" before, because I couldn't. Now I can! And I observe so much more about my environment such as smells and sounds; I enjoy engaging in conversation with people wherever I am; I find that I am smiling easier, laughing more, and singing often. I am finding pure joy in writing; and learning is a joy because I have confidence I can put what I've learned into practice. I enjoy lighting candles. I can enjoy a relaxing bath. But most noticeable is my ability to focus more easily on what I am trying to accomplish, read or learn. I am learning more about my likes and dislikes, which is guiding me in my effort to learn what success is going to mean for my life!

I hope you will take this huge step with me and turn your life toward success. Identify your biggest crutch, distraction, or addiction which limits your ability to reach your potential. You will be amazed at what you learn about yourself that you couldn't see before. Seek the strength of God in this journey, or a close friend or family, but get started today! And let me know how it's going!

(Because of the enormity of this task, there will be continued learning and frustrations as I learn to completely shift my focus away from this issue. I will be working on it for a long while, but will only follow up on progress occassionally. But the true focus of this blog is to write about all the activities I pursue in an effort to coach myself to success. I have additional steps towards building my solid foundation in the articles to come which are much simpler and offer a more immediate reward of more energy, time or space.)