I am writing today on courage and confidence, two of several positive emotions that you can create within yourself to change or better the course of your life.
In the book Your Destiny Switch, author Peggy McColl says that when you commit to a path towards a goal, courage gives you the means to make it happen. Often faith in yourself and/or a higher power will go hand in hand with how courageous you can be.
I have witnessed this courageousness and the doors that have been opened because of that courage, and the justice that is going to be the end result. My sister has her master's degree in counseling and was placed in an intership at a girls home for teens where she was to be supervised in counseling young ladies, as well as observe her internship supervisor counsel the clients. A short time into the internship, she witnessed her supervisor being unethical, was asked herself to be unethical, and then witnessed behavior that was clearly abusive to the clients. She immediately contacted her professor, without hestitation because her goal was to stop the abuse of the young ladies. Now, by doing this, she had to contend with possible negative consequences for her actions. Namely, to anger her supervisor and thus get a fail for the internship; have an air of tension on site for the remaining 5 months of the internship; have the college she's attending frown upon her for causing trouble for them. These are all very real risks, but because of her courage to do the right thing and see justice for these young ladies, it was a definite and clear decision for her.
The road was not easy once the report was made, however, it has proved the right course of action. First of all because her professor became an ally and helped her with guidance on how to proceed with the report, and this action led to her being able to find a new internship site, while her supervisor at the current site is now under investigation and the clients shall no doubt benefit from this. Not only this, but doors have opened for her that were unexpected: an internship site that she was particularly interested in before contacted her with an opening for an intern the week before found out that she could leave her current internship. So once that news was delivered to her, she was able to re-interview with this place and both she and the new site are very excited about the potential working relationship they may have. It just is proof to me that by using positive emotions, it draws postive things to you in an otherwise precarious situation.
I just want to spend a moment on the positive emotion of confidence. The author of this book states in a study on success, that the top 10 percent of those who achieved their maximum goal at work all had one thing in common: Confidence. They were described as "exuding confidence, so they get results." She states that "confidence will lift you up no matter what the challenge, helping you access all your personal resources. By feeling faith in yourself, you'll be aware of your many gifts and be able to use them to make your situation better."
In going back to my sister's situation at the current internship site, she had a final evaluation with her supervisor and the clinical director. Because she had assessed her current supervisor's inability to act professionally, and to give accurate feedback without letting her emotions guide her, my sister had that confidence of knowledge with her at that meeting. As she knew would happen, the evaluation was very inaccurate and frought with false information. But because she had the knowledge and confidence in her ability to assess her supervisor's dysfunction, she did not let the meeting lead to one where she felt compelled to continuously defend herself. The confidence she exuded did have an impact on her supervisor who seemed genuinely suprised that she didn't want to discuss what she was being told. My sister had the confidence that she would be heard by her professor, her school and in her written documentation to those who could make rational evaluations. I think this meeting ended up being very successful because my sister left a meeting that was intended to make her feel bad, feeling fine with what had gone on and was able to let go of it and enjoy the rest of her day. Again, another great example of what positive emotions can do for your pysche and how good things seem to be attracted to the positive emotions. I can't wait to hear what is next for her!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
You Control Your Destiny Switch
Although I am working through all the exercises and tools from the book Coach Yourself to Success, I am currently reading a book called Your Destiny Switch by Peggy McColl and have been thinking a great deal about what she is saying. So I'm adding some of what I'm learning and thinking about as it does coincide with some principles from Coach Yourself to Success as well.
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
The Communication Model in Reverse
In an earlier post, I covered a model of communication that will help you deal with anybody, particularly addressing challenging individuals. To review the steps, they are 1)Inform the person your perception (i.e. Are you aware that you are yelling?) 2) Request they change their behavior, 3) Demand that they change their behavior, and 4) Leave if it continues. All this is done with a completely neutral tone of voice (and no bad facial expressions, either!).
Well, due to a communication breakdown between me and the sales lady at the flooring store, I didn't bring the right form of payment with me. I understood my role in the breakdown, and told her I would go home and get my checkbook and come back shortly thereafter. I made a 20 minute stop at my friend's house and didn't hear the phone, so there was a message waiting for me from the sales lady. She had called to tell me that I needed cash-cash, not a check. So, I became a bit perturbed because my house is in the opposite direction of my bank so that I'd have to add an additional 40 minutes to my errands just to go to the bank and get the cash and return to the store. So when I called her to let her know that it would take me a lot longer to get back to the store, the annoyance was apparent in my voice. She was kind and just apologized for the misunderstanding.
As I was driving to the bank, I realized how I was taking out my frustration on her. We were both not clear on exactly what form of payment I needed to bring, and it was not her fault that I did not answer my phone when she was kind enough to try to spare me the trip to get my checkbook.
Because I've been practicing dealing with rude or challenging communication using the 4 step model, I am more aware of communication that is troubling. And when I looked at this interaction, there was no blame on the sales lady's part, and I could clearly see that I was wrong to address her as I did. When I got to the store, I immediately told her that I owed her a big apology for addressing her so rudely on the phone when she was trying to be so helpful and kind. She accepted the apology easily and with this cleared up, we were able to finish the transaction and even to enjoy some non-related conversation.
Although the author of "Coach Yourself to Success" doesn't really address this reversal, it is amazing to me how quickly I can recognize when I am being out of line, and how much better it is to address it with whom I am communicating-- A bonus of learning this communication model! (But hopefully you won't have too many instances where you'll have to apply it to yourself!)
Well, due to a communication breakdown between me and the sales lady at the flooring store, I didn't bring the right form of payment with me. I understood my role in the breakdown, and told her I would go home and get my checkbook and come back shortly thereafter. I made a 20 minute stop at my friend's house and didn't hear the phone, so there was a message waiting for me from the sales lady. She had called to tell me that I needed cash-cash, not a check. So, I became a bit perturbed because my house is in the opposite direction of my bank so that I'd have to add an additional 40 minutes to my errands just to go to the bank and get the cash and return to the store. So when I called her to let her know that it would take me a lot longer to get back to the store, the annoyance was apparent in my voice. She was kind and just apologized for the misunderstanding.
As I was driving to the bank, I realized how I was taking out my frustration on her. We were both not clear on exactly what form of payment I needed to bring, and it was not her fault that I did not answer my phone when she was kind enough to try to spare me the trip to get my checkbook.
Because I've been practicing dealing with rude or challenging communication using the 4 step model, I am more aware of communication that is troubling. And when I looked at this interaction, there was no blame on the sales lady's part, and I could clearly see that I was wrong to address her as I did. When I got to the store, I immediately told her that I owed her a big apology for addressing her so rudely on the phone when she was trying to be so helpful and kind. She accepted the apology easily and with this cleared up, we were able to finish the transaction and even to enjoy some non-related conversation.
Although the author of "Coach Yourself to Success" doesn't really address this reversal, it is amazing to me how quickly I can recognize when I am being out of line, and how much better it is to address it with whom I am communicating-- A bonus of learning this communication model! (But hopefully you won't have too many instances where you'll have to apply it to yourself!)
Monday, April 26, 2010
More Off the List of Energy Drains!
If you would have told me last year that I would spend a large part of my highly prized vacation time, working on getting my list of 60ish "energy drains" eliminated, I would have just laughed! However, I have seen the effects of just what eliminating a few from the list has done for my outlook, my energy, my desire for more from life, and my excitement about the possibilities for my life. So, I decided to see how many I could get off my list (while still having some fun here and there!)
Most of the items I have addressed while on vacation, have been home repair and improvement items- things I have a hard time taking care of when I am traveling. My thinking is, is that by getting them taken care of now will allow me to think more clearly and creatively and with more focus when I am home. I hope to gain more perspective on how I'd like to spend my time when it's not distracted by these nuisances.
So I've turned into a "handy lady" and have installed new hardware on the kitchen and bath cabinets; stained some needed touch-ups; repainted the bathroom; installed a new light fixture in the bathroom; took down the builder-grade mirror (ugh, safety glasses are really important- flying shards get pretty good velocity as evidenced by the one I got stuck in my cheek!); hung two new framed mirrors and painted a towel bar; removed the rust stain from the tub; bought a new toilet (will install tomorrow--- with help!); reorganized the under sink storage and made another trip to the good will; and most exciting of all is that I get my new floors installed on Wednesday!
I'll have to go back and review the list, but I've knocked off some biggies this vacation and am okay with spending my time this way as it will gain me more quality home time in the near future!
Tomorrow I am painting all the baseboards, trim and doors so that I won't have to do any painting when the new floors are in. I should just hire this done since it's one of those jobs that is on the "not enjoyable" list and someone else could feasibly do it. Oh well, it may be therapeutic (OK, who am I kidding- I'd rather be out doing almost anything but painting trim-- say, lounging by the pool. I guess I can do that while they are installing the floors. Hmmm, go to store, get margarita ingredients, get good fiction book, get great toenail polish and blow up my floaty... Yes, I have a great vacation day planned for Wednesday!)
I have become a firm believer in getting rid of energy sappers on the road to "Getting the Goal". I see how much I've been able to accomplish already, done repairs and improvement that I wouldn't have tried before, and am gaining better insight about myself through the process!
Most of the items I have addressed while on vacation, have been home repair and improvement items- things I have a hard time taking care of when I am traveling. My thinking is, is that by getting them taken care of now will allow me to think more clearly and creatively and with more focus when I am home. I hope to gain more perspective on how I'd like to spend my time when it's not distracted by these nuisances.
So I've turned into a "handy lady" and have installed new hardware on the kitchen and bath cabinets; stained some needed touch-ups; repainted the bathroom; installed a new light fixture in the bathroom; took down the builder-grade mirror (ugh, safety glasses are really important- flying shards get pretty good velocity as evidenced by the one I got stuck in my cheek!); hung two new framed mirrors and painted a towel bar; removed the rust stain from the tub; bought a new toilet (will install tomorrow--- with help!); reorganized the under sink storage and made another trip to the good will; and most exciting of all is that I get my new floors installed on Wednesday!
I'll have to go back and review the list, but I've knocked off some biggies this vacation and am okay with spending my time this way as it will gain me more quality home time in the near future!
Tomorrow I am painting all the baseboards, trim and doors so that I won't have to do any painting when the new floors are in. I should just hire this done since it's one of those jobs that is on the "not enjoyable" list and someone else could feasibly do it. Oh well, it may be therapeutic (OK, who am I kidding- I'd rather be out doing almost anything but painting trim-- say, lounging by the pool. I guess I can do that while they are installing the floors. Hmmm, go to store, get margarita ingredients, get good fiction book, get great toenail polish and blow up my floaty... Yes, I have a great vacation day planned for Wednesday!)
I have become a firm believer in getting rid of energy sappers on the road to "Getting the Goal". I see how much I've been able to accomplish already, done repairs and improvement that I wouldn't have tried before, and am gaining better insight about myself through the process!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Enough With The "Shoulds"!
What could be more self-defeating than our ever-present list of things we "should" do, have, get or be? Why do we create these "shoulds". You know what I'm talking about: I should lose 10 pounds; I should save more money; I should call my mom more often; I should clean the house more often; and on and on they go. We create these lists of shoulds often because society sets a standard that we feel compelled to meet regardless of how unrealistic, unattainable, or unenjoyable they may be! We are so busy being busy, that we don't think too deeply about why these "shoulds" exist. Many times it's because the media and marketing are simply trying to sell you something: a new drug, a diet pill, a cosmetic, a cleaning product, etc. Sometimes "shoulds" are carried over from our families of origin without much thought as to why we carried them into our own lives. Were they functional beliefs? If so, why do they feel like weights? It's time to examine what "shoulds" we have in our lives, and get rid of as many as we can!
My first "should" I addressed is something that I get great enjoyment out of and would never consider eliminating it from my life, and that is exercise. However, when it loses it's enjoyment is when I start being rigid with a training program, and feel compelled to train even though all the signs are telling me to take a day (or more) off. All you exercise finatics know the signs: injury, sickness, being exhausted, or even when sleep is compromised significantly just to get that workout in! That is when we are letting the "should" takeover and we are not listening to what the universe is telling us. I have really begun to listen to the messages my body as well as external factors are telling me when it comes to training. And the wonderful thing is, is that my love of it is stronger than ever, and I have been injury-free for over a year and a half! Amazing!
The next "should" I addressed is a simple one, but found that it, too, was draining energy because I was doing it because I felt I "should", not because I really enjoyed it and that is checking in with Facebook regularly. Initially this seems like a mundane item to include. However, this particular social site can consume large amounts of time. I was finding that I started to feel "out of the loop" when I didn't check it regularly. I was aware of how it seemed to connect some people more, but create disconnect among others. What I mean by this is that people seemed to be calling less frequently and held expectations that if you are both on Facebook, that you will know what is going on with them. My conclusion for myself is that I recognize that I prefer one on one dialogue versus stating an opinion or fact on Facebook without really addressing it to anyone in particular. I agree, that it can start a form of dialogue, but you don't know when that might happen, and it is not an immediate dialogue. I do enjoy some aspects of Facebook, and realize its value. However, those who know me, will understand that I prefer a call, text or even a direct email, or best of all is a face to face chat! So I have thrown out the "should" check in with Facebook often and feel freer already!
The final "should" I will address is that I feel that I "should" love my current job, and be thankful for it in this down economy. The truth is that I AM grateful for the income, and the job itself has served me well over the last 13 years, but I do not love it anymore. It is a very low stress job and I don't ever have to bring work home with me. However, by recognizing that I felt compelled to love/like this job I have been able to ask myself why I have to try to convince myself to love it! Ah ha! The season for this particular full time venture is over and I have just been struggling to come to terms with this. Why? Because that means change, and I don't know exacttly what direction to go. And part of the reason for not knowing more about myself and my strengths and likes is that I've been in "busy" mode for so long. I have probably been trying to avoid recognizing that there were things in my life with which I have not been happy, my job being one of those things. Now that I am examining what is on my "should" list, I can see that I need to make a change in regards to my job. And thus, the exercises and exploration towards "Getting the Goal" which is actually the result that will come after "defining the goal"!
Good luck getting rid of your "shoulds" and freeing yourself up for the things that really matter to you and that you enjoy!
My first "should" I addressed is something that I get great enjoyment out of and would never consider eliminating it from my life, and that is exercise. However, when it loses it's enjoyment is when I start being rigid with a training program, and feel compelled to train even though all the signs are telling me to take a day (or more) off. All you exercise finatics know the signs: injury, sickness, being exhausted, or even when sleep is compromised significantly just to get that workout in! That is when we are letting the "should" takeover and we are not listening to what the universe is telling us. I have really begun to listen to the messages my body as well as external factors are telling me when it comes to training. And the wonderful thing is, is that my love of it is stronger than ever, and I have been injury-free for over a year and a half! Amazing!
The next "should" I addressed is a simple one, but found that it, too, was draining energy because I was doing it because I felt I "should", not because I really enjoyed it and that is checking in with Facebook regularly. Initially this seems like a mundane item to include. However, this particular social site can consume large amounts of time. I was finding that I started to feel "out of the loop" when I didn't check it regularly. I was aware of how it seemed to connect some people more, but create disconnect among others. What I mean by this is that people seemed to be calling less frequently and held expectations that if you are both on Facebook, that you will know what is going on with them. My conclusion for myself is that I recognize that I prefer one on one dialogue versus stating an opinion or fact on Facebook without really addressing it to anyone in particular. I agree, that it can start a form of dialogue, but you don't know when that might happen, and it is not an immediate dialogue. I do enjoy some aspects of Facebook, and realize its value. However, those who know me, will understand that I prefer a call, text or even a direct email, or best of all is a face to face chat! So I have thrown out the "should" check in with Facebook often and feel freer already!
The final "should" I will address is that I feel that I "should" love my current job, and be thankful for it in this down economy. The truth is that I AM grateful for the income, and the job itself has served me well over the last 13 years, but I do not love it anymore. It is a very low stress job and I don't ever have to bring work home with me. However, by recognizing that I felt compelled to love/like this job I have been able to ask myself why I have to try to convince myself to love it! Ah ha! The season for this particular full time venture is over and I have just been struggling to come to terms with this. Why? Because that means change, and I don't know exacttly what direction to go. And part of the reason for not knowing more about myself and my strengths and likes is that I've been in "busy" mode for so long. I have probably been trying to avoid recognizing that there were things in my life with which I have not been happy, my job being one of those things. Now that I am examining what is on my "should" list, I can see that I need to make a change in regards to my job. And thus, the exercises and exploration towards "Getting the Goal" which is actually the result that will come after "defining the goal"!
Good luck getting rid of your "shoulds" and freeing yourself up for the things that really matter to you and that you enjoy!
Adding Little Pleasures To Create Energy
In an earlier exercise I identified many things in my life I was just tolerating, and began the process of eliminating them from my life in an effort to gain energy. The same goes for bad habits such as smoking, caffeine addiction, etc. Those behaviors drain your energy, so ideally you want to replace them with energy boosting, positive behaviors. We all know what our addictions and bad habits are, but in order to give them less importance in our lives, we need to find give them less of our time and focus. So this exercise involved writing down 10 pleasures that I could add to my life daily that I'd look forward to doing. Yikes, ten?!
I came up with a list and was sure that several of them were just added to get the list to ten. One of those being to "dance" to a song. Have you ever danced to a complete song, all by yourself? Songs can be reeeeally long! And even though I am physically fit, it is exhausting. I have since re-evaluated how much positive that brings to my day, and may just tap my feet or a swing a hip to the chorus!
I also included on the list, "sing along to a song or songs". This wasn't much of an addition to my life because I pretty much do it every day anyway. So I'm not sure this counts, but it does give me pleasure so I'm keeping it on the list!
I included reading from a fictional novel or mystery to the list of ten. The funny thing is, is that the more I am learning about what I like and enjoy, the more time I want to spend on other pleasures besides reading fiction! So I have since removed that from the list and replaced it with my new found or rediscovered pleasure of writing!
I wanted laughter to be an important part of my daily life. Initially, I thought it'd be fun to watch a short segment from the comedy channel. However, I have learned that I don't think all comedians are equally funny! So, I am learning to look for opportunities to laugh. And it turns out that it isn't as hard as I thought it'd be because I myself provide plenty of opportunities! Not only that, once you get in the habit of laughing, it seems like more opportunities are sent to you!
I have given myself time to write daily in a gratitude journal which does wonders for creating a positive approach to the day! Along with this, is giving me quiet time to read the bible and pray.
Also on the list were eating one meal outside, exercising, and learning something new.
Since the creation of this list, I have found that as I've de-cluttered and replaced some negative behaviors that I've discovered other things I really enjoy and have unconsciously added to my list. I light candles everyday for the mood and the pleasant smell, and I've begun to where perfume everyday too!
What I am getting out of these daily pleasures, is that I am gaining a better perspective on my real likes and loves and these will likely evolve as I go through more of the self - coaching exercises. Also, I am now a better smelling, more easy-going, spiritual person which is not only great for me, but for my friends, family, coworkers and customers, too!
What is on your 10 daily pleasures list, and how does including these everyday change your behavior, attitude and/or perspective? Let me know!
I came up with a list and was sure that several of them were just added to get the list to ten. One of those being to "dance" to a song. Have you ever danced to a complete song, all by yourself? Songs can be reeeeally long! And even though I am physically fit, it is exhausting. I have since re-evaluated how much positive that brings to my day, and may just tap my feet or a swing a hip to the chorus!
I also included on the list, "sing along to a song or songs". This wasn't much of an addition to my life because I pretty much do it every day anyway. So I'm not sure this counts, but it does give me pleasure so I'm keeping it on the list!
I included reading from a fictional novel or mystery to the list of ten. The funny thing is, is that the more I am learning about what I like and enjoy, the more time I want to spend on other pleasures besides reading fiction! So I have since removed that from the list and replaced it with my new found or rediscovered pleasure of writing!
I wanted laughter to be an important part of my daily life. Initially, I thought it'd be fun to watch a short segment from the comedy channel. However, I have learned that I don't think all comedians are equally funny! So, I am learning to look for opportunities to laugh. And it turns out that it isn't as hard as I thought it'd be because I myself provide plenty of opportunities! Not only that, once you get in the habit of laughing, it seems like more opportunities are sent to you!
I have given myself time to write daily in a gratitude journal which does wonders for creating a positive approach to the day! Along with this, is giving me quiet time to read the bible and pray.
Also on the list were eating one meal outside, exercising, and learning something new.
Since the creation of this list, I have found that as I've de-cluttered and replaced some negative behaviors that I've discovered other things I really enjoy and have unconsciously added to my list. I light candles everyday for the mood and the pleasant smell, and I've begun to where perfume everyday too!
What I am getting out of these daily pleasures, is that I am gaining a better perspective on my real likes and loves and these will likely evolve as I go through more of the self - coaching exercises. Also, I am now a better smelling, more easy-going, spiritual person which is not only great for me, but for my friends, family, coworkers and customers, too!
What is on your 10 daily pleasures list, and how does including these everyday change your behavior, attitude and/or perspective? Let me know!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thinking Positively and Expecting the Best
Who hasn't heard of the power of positive thinking? Have you ever tried to put it into action? From the book "Coach Yourself To Success" Talane Miedaner offers the tip "Never Consider The Negative". Which means that you should put all your focus on a positive outcome because what you focus on is likely what you'll get.
I put this principle into action last week and today. Now I also am a firm believer in praying as well. So I used prayer in tandem with this principle.
Last week, I wanted to order some accessories for my motorcycle from the Yamaha store but the accessories were overpriced and totalled $263. I could get them on the internet for less than that, but I had been given a gift certificate for $250 to buy those accessories from Yamaha. I decided that I didn't want to pay any more than the amount of the gift certificate for the parts, and so I would only order from Yamaha if they would give me a 10% discount. Otherwise, I would use the gift certificate for needed maintenance and repairs and order the parts online.
So I went into the store and greeted the clerk with a smile and a 'hello'. He asked what he could do for me, and I gave him the printed sheet with the parts I wanted and said, "I am ready to order these from you if you can give me a 10% discount." He didn't even hesitate and said, "I don't see why we can't do that." Amazing! I would have never done that before but I expected to be accommodated and knew exactly what I wanted and went after it.
Today, I had representative from a flooring store come and work up an estimate for me for new floors. Based on my square footage and the cost per square foot they gave me for the specific style I chose, I had a rough estimate of what the floors should cost. So when they called me with the specific quote, I asked if I could have a discount for paying cash. The sales person said she would call me right back with an answer. She did and it wasn't as much as I'd hoped, so I said I would order the floors from them if they'd take an additional $50 off the cash price. She said "yes" and I got a very good deal on my floors!
(By the way, these two activities are occurring because they are on the list of "energy sappers" that need to be taken care of so that I will have more energy for the things that are really important to me!)
It is great to see how positive thinking and expectations can have great results! I can't wait to continue to use this principle!
Good luck to you in practicing and using this tip, and let me know how it goes!
I put this principle into action last week and today. Now I also am a firm believer in praying as well. So I used prayer in tandem with this principle.
Last week, I wanted to order some accessories for my motorcycle from the Yamaha store but the accessories were overpriced and totalled $263. I could get them on the internet for less than that, but I had been given a gift certificate for $250 to buy those accessories from Yamaha. I decided that I didn't want to pay any more than the amount of the gift certificate for the parts, and so I would only order from Yamaha if they would give me a 10% discount. Otherwise, I would use the gift certificate for needed maintenance and repairs and order the parts online.
So I went into the store and greeted the clerk with a smile and a 'hello'. He asked what he could do for me, and I gave him the printed sheet with the parts I wanted and said, "I am ready to order these from you if you can give me a 10% discount." He didn't even hesitate and said, "I don't see why we can't do that." Amazing! I would have never done that before but I expected to be accommodated and knew exactly what I wanted and went after it.
Today, I had representative from a flooring store come and work up an estimate for me for new floors. Based on my square footage and the cost per square foot they gave me for the specific style I chose, I had a rough estimate of what the floors should cost. So when they called me with the specific quote, I asked if I could have a discount for paying cash. The sales person said she would call me right back with an answer. She did and it wasn't as much as I'd hoped, so I said I would order the floors from them if they'd take an additional $50 off the cash price. She said "yes" and I got a very good deal on my floors!
(By the way, these two activities are occurring because they are on the list of "energy sappers" that need to be taken care of so that I will have more energy for the things that are really important to me!)
It is great to see how positive thinking and expectations can have great results! I can't wait to continue to use this principle!
Good luck to you in practicing and using this tip, and let me know how it goes!
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