How do you increase love in your life? Well, if you believe, as I do, that love is an actiona and a choice, then you can choose to have more love. Now I will reaffirm my belief that you cannot receive love if you don't already have it within you. So the first element is to realize that you can coose to love yourself. Provide yourself with love. How do you do this? Change your thinking. Thoughts are a choice. Emotions are based on our thoughts. Because some thoughts have been repeated so often in our minds, we tend to believe that some thoughts are automatic. This is simply not true. Yes, it may take effort to change your thoughts, however, with conviction, your thoughts can be a choice.
How do you choose loving thoughts about yourself? Start with the fact that scripture says that God is in each one of us. Think about loving yourself because God dwells within you. When you are tempted to criticize yourself, stop, and think first of addressing the God that is within you. It will be much harder to criticize yourself after addressing the God within you, knowing that he created all things perfectly. To criticize or judge yourself will feel like you are attacking the work of God. This belief and the constant acknowledgement of it, will enable you to love yourself and act in more loving ways toward yourself.
With this change in thinking about how to love yourself, comes acting as if you love yourself. Even while your are practicing loving the God in you, and then thinking lovingly of yourself, you can be showing love to yourself (because love is an action,) by things that you do. Give yourself the luxury of 8 hours of sleep; turn your phone off to spend 30 minutes or an hour of uninterrupted time to do exactly what you want; buy yourself flowers or send yourself a nice card in the mail; make time or money for keeping you healthy (whatever makes you feel like you are loving yourself, whether it be for a gym membership, a manicure, healthful foods, fixing poor eyesight, or getting surgery on a bad knee, having a checkup, etc.). Think about a person you love and how you would show them you love them or what you would say to let them know you love them. Then do this for yourself. The more you treat yourself with love, the easier it will be to really see that you are worthy of love.
When you believe that you are worthy of love and give love to yourself through thoughts and actions, then you will be able to give away love and in return, receive love back. The more love you have and give in your life, the closer to peace you will move.
As we all know, some people are easier to show love to than others. So how do we love those who are harder to love? First, use the same principle you used to change you thoughts about loving yourself, which is to address the God that dwells within others first. When you look at a complaining customer, God is dwelling in that pesrson and so you foucs on and acknowledge God first. Then, it will be easier to show love to the person.
Again, following this first step, act as if you love the person by your actions. Even if you are still not "feeling" love towards the person, act as though you do. The very act of "pretending" to love that person will open the door for you to be able to love that person. You can say to yourself or through prayer, that you forgive this person for his actions or works, or you can send them a note or card of a loving, well-wishing nature, or you can say what you appreciate about him or her. When you perform these actions of love you are giving out a certain energy. It is much harder for that person to respond with negative enery because like attracts like (and love is a higher energy and will overcome the lower energies you are wishing to negate). Even if you don't get a loving response back at the moment, you have raised the other person's energy and minimized the affects of their very low energy and emotions.
Do you feel as though you still need more tools to enable you to show, become, or remain loving in a challenging situation? One thing to remember is that 'people do the best they can at the moment, with what they have learned and they would do better if they could'. This is a principle I learned through various readings although I cannot place the author, but the principle has stuck with me. We all grow up in different environments, with different values and importance placed on different things. We can't possibly know why someone yells at us on the highway because we go the speed limit. They may have been taught that 10 mph over the speed limit is okay and more acceptable than driving the speed limit. They may have seen in their family, how yelling and anger got results, whereas, calm communication produced nothing. Yes, when we become adults, we alone are responsible for our belief system and our acceptance or rejection of all the beliefs that encompasses. So, why don't we learn what is "normal" or "right"? Because most things in this world are subjective and who is to be the authority on what is normal? However, we can change our response to our beliefs when they are not functioning for us any longer. Rather than getting upset at other "slow" drivers, our example can choose to recognize and appreciate that others have different values and beliefs.
The plethora of faulty belief systems out there means that most people have numerous erroneaous beliefs to overcome. You and I don't know where they are in their self-development. But just believe that they are doing the best they can at the moment, with what they've learned. Be a tool to help them see a different (loving) response by acting as if you loved that person.
When the urge to respond to anger, hate, irritation, jeolousy, etc. is to give the same, stop yourself, and make a choice not to accept their "lower energy gift" as it has been described in teachings on peace and personal development. You are not required to accept another's 'gift' (in this case, a not very desirable one). Let them keep their lower energy emotions, and choose not to accept it. Choose to maintain your higher energy of calmness, love, respect, etc.
Finally, many people behave in negative ways out of fear: fear of losing what they have, fear of losing or being out of control, fear of losing social status, etc. If you can keep this in mind when dealing with someone in a negative emotional state, it will help you to empathize with them because you will see the fear behind the action, and will more easily be able to act in a loving way towards them.
With practice and conviction, you will expereince an abundance of love, even from people you never expected. And when love increases, peace also increases.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What You Believe Is What You Attract
A similar theme has emerged as I have read more and more about success principles, finding peace, and living a fulfilling life, (books by John Canfield, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tulane Miedener, and others). The common theme is "where you place your focus is what you will attract to your life".
All matter is energy (or vibrations), and like energy attracts like energy. When you hold a certain belief about yourself or your circumstances, you will attract to you what you believe the outcome is inevitably going to be. In order to change or overcome this outcome, you must change your belief. To begin that change, at the moment of the lower energy (or negative thought), shift your focus to other higher energy, positive thoughts, regardless of its relevance to the negative thought. By immediately stopping the negative thought, you break the pattern and insert a new behavior- positive or higher energy thinking. This will begin the process of learning to think in higher energy patterns on a more consistent basis, elevating your overall life experience by attracting more positive people, circumstances, and emotions to you.
You can use this technique to change negative habits. For example, an alcoholic wishing to stop drinking typically focuses on how to change his desire for a drink. Where is his focus? On drinking. Will he be able to change with this thought process? Likely not. An alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking will have more success by shifting his focus away from drinking, and on to thoughts of love, forgiveness and strengths. These are higher energy thoughts and higher energy always overtakes lower energy.
Problems arise when we won't allow ourselves to have or experience negative thoughts without condemnation. When negative thoughts do creep in, as they will through the growth and healing process, we feel failure, and begin to focus on that feeling of failure, which in turn lowers our energy making it more likely we will attract exactly what we have been working to eliminate from our lives.
Shifting focus to positive energies and beliefs takes practice just as mastering any other skill does. It is important to realize that in the beginning of this process, you will have to frequently remind yourself to focus on positive beliefs and energies, and have conviction that your life will contain everything you desire just by focusing on success. Start acting as if positive things are coming to you. One way to do this is to start appreciating what you already have in your life, from freedom, food, safety, health and shelter, to eternal life, skills and abilities, intuition, love and relationships.
When you focus on being grateful for what you have, you realize that what you are most grateful for is usually not "things" but relationships, skills, safety, security, love and peace. This can be eye-opening, because many people in this country of abundance believe their happiness is based on having more, and the ability to acquire more. As we shift our thinking to appreciation, we realize how much we already have; we realize that it is less important to acquire "more" than to develp a greater apprecation for what we already have; we also start seeing how others could benefit from our excess by just providing for their basics (food, shelter, health). We realize how very little it costs to provide this but what an enormous reward it provides to our souls to meet someone else's needs.
It is so important to always remember that you are what you think. If you think that you are stuck in a deadend job- you will always attract dead-end jobs. If you believe that people will always try to take your wealth from you, you will attract problems that involve losing part of your wealth; if you believe that your marriage is doomed to fail, you will attract the negative aspects that lead to turmoil; if you believe there are no 'dateable' singles out there, you will only attract those you find 'undateable'. At the same time, if you focus on appreciating the positive in your life and see how that will enable you to attract what you want, those things will be attracted to you. You must believe your wants are going to be fulfilled and act as if you are already living that life. Dress the part, surround yourself with those you want to emulate, learn what needs to be learned, and remove negative beliefs, thoughts and energies from you mind. The life you want is in your mind!
All matter is energy (or vibrations), and like energy attracts like energy. When you hold a certain belief about yourself or your circumstances, you will attract to you what you believe the outcome is inevitably going to be. In order to change or overcome this outcome, you must change your belief. To begin that change, at the moment of the lower energy (or negative thought), shift your focus to other higher energy, positive thoughts, regardless of its relevance to the negative thought. By immediately stopping the negative thought, you break the pattern and insert a new behavior- positive or higher energy thinking. This will begin the process of learning to think in higher energy patterns on a more consistent basis, elevating your overall life experience by attracting more positive people, circumstances, and emotions to you.
You can use this technique to change negative habits. For example, an alcoholic wishing to stop drinking typically focuses on how to change his desire for a drink. Where is his focus? On drinking. Will he be able to change with this thought process? Likely not. An alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking will have more success by shifting his focus away from drinking, and on to thoughts of love, forgiveness and strengths. These are higher energy thoughts and higher energy always overtakes lower energy.
Problems arise when we won't allow ourselves to have or experience negative thoughts without condemnation. When negative thoughts do creep in, as they will through the growth and healing process, we feel failure, and begin to focus on that feeling of failure, which in turn lowers our energy making it more likely we will attract exactly what we have been working to eliminate from our lives.
Shifting focus to positive energies and beliefs takes practice just as mastering any other skill does. It is important to realize that in the beginning of this process, you will have to frequently remind yourself to focus on positive beliefs and energies, and have conviction that your life will contain everything you desire just by focusing on success. Start acting as if positive things are coming to you. One way to do this is to start appreciating what you already have in your life, from freedom, food, safety, health and shelter, to eternal life, skills and abilities, intuition, love and relationships.
When you focus on being grateful for what you have, you realize that what you are most grateful for is usually not "things" but relationships, skills, safety, security, love and peace. This can be eye-opening, because many people in this country of abundance believe their happiness is based on having more, and the ability to acquire more. As we shift our thinking to appreciation, we realize how much we already have; we realize that it is less important to acquire "more" than to develp a greater apprecation for what we already have; we also start seeing how others could benefit from our excess by just providing for their basics (food, shelter, health). We realize how very little it costs to provide this but what an enormous reward it provides to our souls to meet someone else's needs.
It is so important to always remember that you are what you think. If you think that you are stuck in a deadend job- you will always attract dead-end jobs. If you believe that people will always try to take your wealth from you, you will attract problems that involve losing part of your wealth; if you believe that your marriage is doomed to fail, you will attract the negative aspects that lead to turmoil; if you believe there are no 'dateable' singles out there, you will only attract those you find 'undateable'. At the same time, if you focus on appreciating the positive in your life and see how that will enable you to attract what you want, those things will be attracted to you. You must believe your wants are going to be fulfilled and act as if you are already living that life. Dress the part, surround yourself with those you want to emulate, learn what needs to be learned, and remove negative beliefs, thoughts and energies from you mind. The life you want is in your mind!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Setbacks and Learning Opportunities
Over the past couple weeks, the struggle to remember all I'd been learning and accomplishing has challenged me. I didn't take the time to remember and choose to handle the stressful situations that arose, with purposeful thought and prayer. But I am getting back on track. I have worked hard on surrending to God, acknowledging that I felt deserted and vulnerable through the trials, and to realize that I need to prepare for major stressors. I will do this by immediately turning to God and reaffirming my faith that He will take care of me; then, I will reach out to loved ones who can share perspectives that I may not see in the moment. The setback ended up being longer than I could've imagined and it was shocking to feel such progress slip backwards; but I had had such a wonderful taste of energy, hope, joy and freedom, that I am spending all my energy on God's word, praying, choosing to do positive, re-affirming activities, and continuing to read through and really understand my coaching books. What a difference in my entire spirit and being whe I choose to engage in growth and learning and loving.
These past seveal days, I have reallized how improtant it is to show love to everyone I encounter and to love those I am around, instead of wishing I could be near family or long time friends who are far away. By looking to love those around me, I also increase my ability to love more deeply and I give those around me the opportunity to feel love, which makes them feel good too. Even when my first inclination has been to be annoyed about something, I stop (in theory-every time:) and remind myself that loving the person first will help me deal with them in a respectful way, and gives God the power to judge instead of me. I can pray on the issue that troubles me and then let God guide the direction towards a resolution.
This has worked positively with someone in my neighborhood who I have been judgmental of in the past for things I considered stealing and lying. By focusing on loving him for him, flaws and all, I can more clearly see the good intentions he does have and let God work within him to convert some of the dishonesty I see from him. We have a much better relationship and I can see this continuing in the future.
Their is another neighbor whom I had shied away from in the recent past because I didn't agree with how I felt he was handling a situation that involves all his neighbors and I also didn't feel like we had much in common. But just accepting and loving people for who they are is more important than my judgment is. The whole "log in the eye" bible quotation comes to mind as I work on removing judgements. When I chose to accept and love him for who he is, I started to see him as someone who is struggling with having a satifying life. He has had some challenges this past year and he is coping in his way, just as I have coped in a destructive way with my struggles. Wow, my high-horse just threw me off!
I have also made a conscious decision to slow down my days as much as I can to include time for impromptu chats with neighbors, lunches or dinners with friends, and phone calls. This past week, many opportunities arose because I had the time for them and they all turned out to be such positive experiences. It's amazing when you take the time to show people that they are important to you, what a difference it makes in the relationship you have with them! In the past, I struggled with knowing that I needed to show people this because I could not see why it would matter to them that I valued them (and this is because I didn't value myself enough to see that).
So, when I take the time to remember to turn to God first, and also to respond with love towards people as my first emotion, outcomes will always be better than if I choose a different approach!
These past seveal days, I have reallized how improtant it is to show love to everyone I encounter and to love those I am around, instead of wishing I could be near family or long time friends who are far away. By looking to love those around me, I also increase my ability to love more deeply and I give those around me the opportunity to feel love, which makes them feel good too. Even when my first inclination has been to be annoyed about something, I stop (in theory-every time:) and remind myself that loving the person first will help me deal with them in a respectful way, and gives God the power to judge instead of me. I can pray on the issue that troubles me and then let God guide the direction towards a resolution.
This has worked positively with someone in my neighborhood who I have been judgmental of in the past for things I considered stealing and lying. By focusing on loving him for him, flaws and all, I can more clearly see the good intentions he does have and let God work within him to convert some of the dishonesty I see from him. We have a much better relationship and I can see this continuing in the future.
Their is another neighbor whom I had shied away from in the recent past because I didn't agree with how I felt he was handling a situation that involves all his neighbors and I also didn't feel like we had much in common. But just accepting and loving people for who they are is more important than my judgment is. The whole "log in the eye" bible quotation comes to mind as I work on removing judgements. When I chose to accept and love him for who he is, I started to see him as someone who is struggling with having a satifying life. He has had some challenges this past year and he is coping in his way, just as I have coped in a destructive way with my struggles. Wow, my high-horse just threw me off!
I have also made a conscious decision to slow down my days as much as I can to include time for impromptu chats with neighbors, lunches or dinners with friends, and phone calls. This past week, many opportunities arose because I had the time for them and they all turned out to be such positive experiences. It's amazing when you take the time to show people that they are important to you, what a difference it makes in the relationship you have with them! In the past, I struggled with knowing that I needed to show people this because I could not see why it would matter to them that I valued them (and this is because I didn't value myself enough to see that).
So, when I take the time to remember to turn to God first, and also to respond with love towards people as my first emotion, outcomes will always be better than if I choose a different approach!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Stumbling Through Merky Waters
The past couple of weeks have been a challenge toward the positive strides I have been making in my life. I had been so motivated and excited about what I'd been accomplishing, that when a really stressful day occurred, I wasn't prepared for it and it's made me question what I've really learned, and what I need to re-evaluate and improve upon in order to handle setbacks and serious stress better.
So far, all the tasks I've been doing have been to create more positive energy and time for good things in my life. This included finally getting new floors. Because I'd been so positive about everything so far, I was unprepared for the alarming mistakes and damage the installation guys caused. I was handling them fairly well and just addressing each thing as diplomatically as possible. However, the installers had to redo two areas on a Friday when I had to leave town. My neighbor took care of letting them in and locking up after them (in addition to resolving a major problem he found while he was there-Thank God for good neighbors!) So, they finished the floors on Friday night and my neighbor locked up after them. I could not wait to see them (however, I had become apprehensive about the quality because of some things I already experienced with them.)
I was due to get home from my trip Monday evening. Monday at work, a medical crisis arose to where I was assisting a doctor on board with a potential heart attack victim. We cared for him for about an hour, using the Automatic External Defibrillator and monitoring his vitals continuously. When they did not improve, we diverted to get him immediately to a hospital. We felt relieved that he was in a better environment to treat him. Meanwhile, we were stranded there because we'd used so many of our on board oxygen bottles that we could not depart without getting new ones. This whole thing took 4-5 hours and the customers were very unhappy. When we finally left for Houston again, the adrenaline rush had dissipated from the emergency and I was low on energy, both physically and mentally. So I was grateful to get to Houston.
However, when I was driving home, I hit a traffic jam. This was unusual because of the late hour in the day and no traffic updates reported anything unusual on this freeway. This would have been fine, but today my car was acting strange and it scared me! When I braked, the back end of the car swayed to the right, then to the left and I felt like I didn't have any control of it. Also, when I tried to go above 45 mph, it just chugged slowly up, 1 mph at a time. I was becoming alarmed as I realized it was indeed going to keep doing this the whole drive home. I got in the right hand lane and putted along slowly the 57 miles to home, planning a strategy for getting it repaired on my one day off the next day, and trying not to stress about the cost.
I was grateful to get home safely, and still looking forward to seeing the finished floors. I opened the door quickly and stepped inside. I was perplexed when the first thing I saw was a big puddle under a chair which was sitting in the middle of the living room. Where could liquid come from? Walking toward it, I was tuning out the continuous meowing of the cats which had been homed on the balcony during this renovation and pondered the source of the puddle. Could the installers have spilled something and not seen it? Could they have purposefully poured water on the floor, angry that they had to come back to redo some things? Kneeling and lowering my nose to the floor, the worst smell known to this nose smacked me and sent a surge of momentary confusion through me. It was cat urine! How can this be? My cats are locked outside. I ran to the cat door. Yep, it was still blocked by a heavy chest, and still locked. I see one cat outside. Where's the other? Now I hear two meowing- wait, one is coming from inside! I sprinted through the condo and found Zeke terrified and crouched under the bed. Why is he scared? Because he'd been let it and locked in without food, water or a litter box since Friday- it was now Monday night! I was unprepared for the anger I felt toward the installers and when I could not get rid of the urine smell with my own cleaning, I had a meltdown. I could not muster any positive emotion. The cats remained stressed and continued to meow incessantly. I had hours worth of work to do to put furniture back and clean all the dust that was everywhere and in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the early car appointment I had in the morning. Not only did I not know if my floors would have to be replaced where the unine had sat for 3 days, but I knew my chair was ruined, and I'd also found two dents in my refrigerator door. It was too much for me and my attitude took a dive. It's as though everything I'd learned in the past couple months just floated out of my head, never to return. Over the course of the next week, I didn't even have the desire to continue to learn and coach myself. It's been a struggle to get back on track. I try to think about why this might be so hard. A couple things come to mind:
It was easy to be positive when things were going my way. But what I really needed to learn was how to remain positive when the cards are stacked against me. One or two things that are a challenge, I could have handled in a positive way, but the overwhelming stress of each of the three events that day, taxed my ability to cope.
What I am disappointed about most, is that I just didn't turn it all over to God right away. I let my faith in Him slip as my primary coping skill and I proved to myself that I cannot handle life (good or bad) without Him. I know He was communicating with me that day, asking me to rely on Him and to be humble and realize He is who carries me through life. I'd been proud of what I'd accomplished and didn't recognize every instance of success was His.
I woke up Tuesday with more acknowledgement of God and more calm that He would help me cope with my situations. How did He help me? By removing the major problem my car had had the day before. Literally, there was no evidence of ANY trouble! The mechanic and I both took it out on the highway and we could not re-create the problem. They even removed all 4 wheels to see if there was something we missed. They found nothing! God is amazing!
He also helped me clearly and concisely speak to the Floor Store manager and we are on our way to getting a resolution to the several problems that arose.
I am happy with some things since then; however, I feel as though I have taken a huge step backward and am struggling to feel the confidence I had been feeling before. That day was such a blow to my outlook and what I thought I'd been accomplishing, that I now feel a degree of apprehension about my successes. I have started reading and learning from my coaching books again- so let's see where I go from here!
So far, all the tasks I've been doing have been to create more positive energy and time for good things in my life. This included finally getting new floors. Because I'd been so positive about everything so far, I was unprepared for the alarming mistakes and damage the installation guys caused. I was handling them fairly well and just addressing each thing as diplomatically as possible. However, the installers had to redo two areas on a Friday when I had to leave town. My neighbor took care of letting them in and locking up after them (in addition to resolving a major problem he found while he was there-Thank God for good neighbors!) So, they finished the floors on Friday night and my neighbor locked up after them. I could not wait to see them (however, I had become apprehensive about the quality because of some things I already experienced with them.)
I was due to get home from my trip Monday evening. Monday at work, a medical crisis arose to where I was assisting a doctor on board with a potential heart attack victim. We cared for him for about an hour, using the Automatic External Defibrillator and monitoring his vitals continuously. When they did not improve, we diverted to get him immediately to a hospital. We felt relieved that he was in a better environment to treat him. Meanwhile, we were stranded there because we'd used so many of our on board oxygen bottles that we could not depart without getting new ones. This whole thing took 4-5 hours and the customers were very unhappy. When we finally left for Houston again, the adrenaline rush had dissipated from the emergency and I was low on energy, both physically and mentally. So I was grateful to get to Houston.
However, when I was driving home, I hit a traffic jam. This was unusual because of the late hour in the day and no traffic updates reported anything unusual on this freeway. This would have been fine, but today my car was acting strange and it scared me! When I braked, the back end of the car swayed to the right, then to the left and I felt like I didn't have any control of it. Also, when I tried to go above 45 mph, it just chugged slowly up, 1 mph at a time. I was becoming alarmed as I realized it was indeed going to keep doing this the whole drive home. I got in the right hand lane and putted along slowly the 57 miles to home, planning a strategy for getting it repaired on my one day off the next day, and trying not to stress about the cost.
I was grateful to get home safely, and still looking forward to seeing the finished floors. I opened the door quickly and stepped inside. I was perplexed when the first thing I saw was a big puddle under a chair which was sitting in the middle of the living room. Where could liquid come from? Walking toward it, I was tuning out the continuous meowing of the cats which had been homed on the balcony during this renovation and pondered the source of the puddle. Could the installers have spilled something and not seen it? Could they have purposefully poured water on the floor, angry that they had to come back to redo some things? Kneeling and lowering my nose to the floor, the worst smell known to this nose smacked me and sent a surge of momentary confusion through me. It was cat urine! How can this be? My cats are locked outside. I ran to the cat door. Yep, it was still blocked by a heavy chest, and still locked. I see one cat outside. Where's the other? Now I hear two meowing- wait, one is coming from inside! I sprinted through the condo and found Zeke terrified and crouched under the bed. Why is he scared? Because he'd been let it and locked in without food, water or a litter box since Friday- it was now Monday night! I was unprepared for the anger I felt toward the installers and when I could not get rid of the urine smell with my own cleaning, I had a meltdown. I could not muster any positive emotion. The cats remained stressed and continued to meow incessantly. I had hours worth of work to do to put furniture back and clean all the dust that was everywhere and in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the early car appointment I had in the morning. Not only did I not know if my floors would have to be replaced where the unine had sat for 3 days, but I knew my chair was ruined, and I'd also found two dents in my refrigerator door. It was too much for me and my attitude took a dive. It's as though everything I'd learned in the past couple months just floated out of my head, never to return. Over the course of the next week, I didn't even have the desire to continue to learn and coach myself. It's been a struggle to get back on track. I try to think about why this might be so hard. A couple things come to mind:
It was easy to be positive when things were going my way. But what I really needed to learn was how to remain positive when the cards are stacked against me. One or two things that are a challenge, I could have handled in a positive way, but the overwhelming stress of each of the three events that day, taxed my ability to cope.
What I am disappointed about most, is that I just didn't turn it all over to God right away. I let my faith in Him slip as my primary coping skill and I proved to myself that I cannot handle life (good or bad) without Him. I know He was communicating with me that day, asking me to rely on Him and to be humble and realize He is who carries me through life. I'd been proud of what I'd accomplished and didn't recognize every instance of success was His.
I woke up Tuesday with more acknowledgement of God and more calm that He would help me cope with my situations. How did He help me? By removing the major problem my car had had the day before. Literally, there was no evidence of ANY trouble! The mechanic and I both took it out on the highway and we could not re-create the problem. They even removed all 4 wheels to see if there was something we missed. They found nothing! God is amazing!
He also helped me clearly and concisely speak to the Floor Store manager and we are on our way to getting a resolution to the several problems that arose.
I am happy with some things since then; however, I feel as though I have taken a huge step backward and am struggling to feel the confidence I had been feeling before. That day was such a blow to my outlook and what I thought I'd been accomplishing, that I now feel a degree of apprehension about my successes. I have started reading and learning from my coaching books again- so let's see where I go from here!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Courage and Confidence
I am writing today on courage and confidence, two of several positive emotions that you can create within yourself to change or better the course of your life.
In the book Your Destiny Switch, author Peggy McColl says that when you commit to a path towards a goal, courage gives you the means to make it happen. Often faith in yourself and/or a higher power will go hand in hand with how courageous you can be.
I have witnessed this courageousness and the doors that have been opened because of that courage, and the justice that is going to be the end result. My sister has her master's degree in counseling and was placed in an intership at a girls home for teens where she was to be supervised in counseling young ladies, as well as observe her internship supervisor counsel the clients. A short time into the internship, she witnessed her supervisor being unethical, was asked herself to be unethical, and then witnessed behavior that was clearly abusive to the clients. She immediately contacted her professor, without hestitation because her goal was to stop the abuse of the young ladies. Now, by doing this, she had to contend with possible negative consequences for her actions. Namely, to anger her supervisor and thus get a fail for the internship; have an air of tension on site for the remaining 5 months of the internship; have the college she's attending frown upon her for causing trouble for them. These are all very real risks, but because of her courage to do the right thing and see justice for these young ladies, it was a definite and clear decision for her.
The road was not easy once the report was made, however, it has proved the right course of action. First of all because her professor became an ally and helped her with guidance on how to proceed with the report, and this action led to her being able to find a new internship site, while her supervisor at the current site is now under investigation and the clients shall no doubt benefit from this. Not only this, but doors have opened for her that were unexpected: an internship site that she was particularly interested in before contacted her with an opening for an intern the week before found out that she could leave her current internship. So once that news was delivered to her, she was able to re-interview with this place and both she and the new site are very excited about the potential working relationship they may have. It just is proof to me that by using positive emotions, it draws postive things to you in an otherwise precarious situation.
I just want to spend a moment on the positive emotion of confidence. The author of this book states in a study on success, that the top 10 percent of those who achieved their maximum goal at work all had one thing in common: Confidence. They were described as "exuding confidence, so they get results." She states that "confidence will lift you up no matter what the challenge, helping you access all your personal resources. By feeling faith in yourself, you'll be aware of your many gifts and be able to use them to make your situation better."
In going back to my sister's situation at the current internship site, she had a final evaluation with her supervisor and the clinical director. Because she had assessed her current supervisor's inability to act professionally, and to give accurate feedback without letting her emotions guide her, my sister had that confidence of knowledge with her at that meeting. As she knew would happen, the evaluation was very inaccurate and frought with false information. But because she had the knowledge and confidence in her ability to assess her supervisor's dysfunction, she did not let the meeting lead to one where she felt compelled to continuously defend herself. The confidence she exuded did have an impact on her supervisor who seemed genuinely suprised that she didn't want to discuss what she was being told. My sister had the confidence that she would be heard by her professor, her school and in her written documentation to those who could make rational evaluations. I think this meeting ended up being very successful because my sister left a meeting that was intended to make her feel bad, feeling fine with what had gone on and was able to let go of it and enjoy the rest of her day. Again, another great example of what positive emotions can do for your pysche and how good things seem to be attracted to the positive emotions. I can't wait to hear what is next for her!
In the book Your Destiny Switch, author Peggy McColl says that when you commit to a path towards a goal, courage gives you the means to make it happen. Often faith in yourself and/or a higher power will go hand in hand with how courageous you can be.
I have witnessed this courageousness and the doors that have been opened because of that courage, and the justice that is going to be the end result. My sister has her master's degree in counseling and was placed in an intership at a girls home for teens where she was to be supervised in counseling young ladies, as well as observe her internship supervisor counsel the clients. A short time into the internship, she witnessed her supervisor being unethical, was asked herself to be unethical, and then witnessed behavior that was clearly abusive to the clients. She immediately contacted her professor, without hestitation because her goal was to stop the abuse of the young ladies. Now, by doing this, she had to contend with possible negative consequences for her actions. Namely, to anger her supervisor and thus get a fail for the internship; have an air of tension on site for the remaining 5 months of the internship; have the college she's attending frown upon her for causing trouble for them. These are all very real risks, but because of her courage to do the right thing and see justice for these young ladies, it was a definite and clear decision for her.
The road was not easy once the report was made, however, it has proved the right course of action. First of all because her professor became an ally and helped her with guidance on how to proceed with the report, and this action led to her being able to find a new internship site, while her supervisor at the current site is now under investigation and the clients shall no doubt benefit from this. Not only this, but doors have opened for her that were unexpected: an internship site that she was particularly interested in before contacted her with an opening for an intern the week before found out that she could leave her current internship. So once that news was delivered to her, she was able to re-interview with this place and both she and the new site are very excited about the potential working relationship they may have. It just is proof to me that by using positive emotions, it draws postive things to you in an otherwise precarious situation.
I just want to spend a moment on the positive emotion of confidence. The author of this book states in a study on success, that the top 10 percent of those who achieved their maximum goal at work all had one thing in common: Confidence. They were described as "exuding confidence, so they get results." She states that "confidence will lift you up no matter what the challenge, helping you access all your personal resources. By feeling faith in yourself, you'll be aware of your many gifts and be able to use them to make your situation better."
In going back to my sister's situation at the current internship site, she had a final evaluation with her supervisor and the clinical director. Because she had assessed her current supervisor's inability to act professionally, and to give accurate feedback without letting her emotions guide her, my sister had that confidence of knowledge with her at that meeting. As she knew would happen, the evaluation was very inaccurate and frought with false information. But because she had the knowledge and confidence in her ability to assess her supervisor's dysfunction, she did not let the meeting lead to one where she felt compelled to continuously defend herself. The confidence she exuded did have an impact on her supervisor who seemed genuinely suprised that she didn't want to discuss what she was being told. My sister had the confidence that she would be heard by her professor, her school and in her written documentation to those who could make rational evaluations. I think this meeting ended up being very successful because my sister left a meeting that was intended to make her feel bad, feeling fine with what had gone on and was able to let go of it and enjoy the rest of her day. Again, another great example of what positive emotions can do for your pysche and how good things seem to be attracted to the positive emotions. I can't wait to hear what is next for her!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
You Control Your Destiny Switch
Although I am working through all the exercises and tools from the book Coach Yourself to Success, I am currently reading a book called Your Destiny Switch by Peggy McColl and have been thinking a great deal about what she is saying. So I'm adding some of what I'm learning and thinking about as it does coincide with some principles from Coach Yourself to Success as well.
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
The author's premise is that you are the controller of your destiny because you are the controller of the emotions you want to feel. Learning how to create the emotions you desire to feel will give you a sense of internal power which will lead to growth and fulfillment. There are 4 constants in going down the path of achieving your destiny: 1) Managing negative emotions is the key that allows you to move toward your destiny 2)Knowledge, a deep understanding, and practical application all have to be utilized together to achieve your goal 3) Negative emotions are often destructive to the achievement of goals 4) "To have it all, you must be willing to give it all up". The author says that "if you feel deserving of it, you can create it". In a nutshell, the author is saying that our emotions are so powerful that they shape our destinies, and that we can control the degree of positive to negative emotions.
There are 4 key positive emotions and their negative counterparts that she describes as being on a continuum. The first is Love and Hate. Second is Wonder and Emptiness. Third is Bliss and Depression. Fourth is Faith and Worry. Each of these emotions and their negatives operate as if on a dimmer switch, that you can control. When you choose to turn up the Bliss, automatically that takes away power from the Depression. The same goes for the other 3 opposites. Not only this, but as you turn up just one of the positive emotions, the other positive emotions tend to rise a bit also. And here is her key to the whole book: No one is responsible for your feelings but you-ever! And when you allow negative emotions to take over, you are actually disempowering yourself and creating a spiraling downward movement.
What she is stressing is to let yourself recognize what emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it, think about why you may be feeling that way, learn from it, and replace it with its positive counterpart. For example, if you feel a degree of real dislike toward a neighbor, she is saying that it is not beneficial to you to hold onto that dislike and that it actually inhibits your own growth. You are to recognize that you feel dislike, acknowledge why that may be, and the choose to let go of that emotion and replace it with loving feelings toward your neighbor. You may have to think about a time when you felt love in order to get that emotion to the surface in order to be able to show it to your neighbor. But this is the key to creating a life of mostly positive emotions, and destiny fulfillment.
The positive emotions actually bring you positive rewards and results.
The author talks about each emotion, both negative and positive, as having their own energy waves as based on scientific research! Therefore it really is true that what you feel, you will attract (because the energy waves are the same). So if you want to attract loving people in your life, you have to emit love yourself. If you want to attract bliss, you have to emit bliss. This may seem a challenge when you are spiraling down in a sea of negative emotions, but she says to recognize the strongest of the negative feelings and then determine what its opposite emotion is, and call up that feeling in order to replace the negative feeling. The author says "...when you do the work of creating positive emotions, you'll become a magnet, drawing in all that you desire".
Of all the emotions, love is the most powerful positive emotion and encompasses all the other positive emotions. So when you are feeling particularly negative toward someone, stop, call up the emotion of love, and direct it toward that individual. You'll be amazed at how good you feel, and how the other person responds to that positive energy.
I had a person in mind that I kept feeling angry toward. We have different approaches to situations and it leaves me feeling frustrated and powerless. So, I said a prayer to have this person cross my path so that I could change the atmosphere between us. This prayer was answered on that very day, and I chose to be loving and appreciative of this person. The interaction was very enjoyable. I have yet to see how this type of interacting will help to take care of our differences in our processes, but I will continue to choose my emotions towards him rather than letting the negative emotions control me. I expect great things from this approach. Already, it has left me feeling happier and more upbeat. I also chose to be caring toward someone else who has been particularly hard to feel that way about. I did this by listening well (one of my exercises from the other book for which I am continually improving) and giving my time. It was just amazing, the positive energy that surrounded us, and attracted others over to join us!
One of the most powerful ways I think this can be utilized is with yourself. We are all eager to believe negative things about ourselves and often dismiss positive things. As children of God, we are all created how He perfectly made us, to fulfill a specific role in the universe. We are all given challenges and lessons that by learning from them, we will be better able to help those we have been called to help. Therefore, the negative things we let ourselves believe serve no purpose but to hold us back from recognizing that we are perfect for the role He created us to fill. By focusing on our positive attributes, we can more easily move into our roles and recognize our special talents and gifts.
I have a specific negative thought that is the hardest for me to overcome. So I am practicing her method of recognizing when I am feeling negative, finding the cause and the specific emotion, and then dismissing it and replacing it with the opposite emotion and not just feeling it, but feeling like I have an abundance of that emotion. Again, it goes back to the energy that each emotion emits. Over the last several days, I do feel as though my encounters with sales people, people in public and neighbors has been friendlier and more enjoyable- A good reason not to choose to dwell in negative emotions but to rid yourself of them as quickly as possible!
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